I worried last night that I wouldn’t be able to sleep because I slept too much. Having slept about 12 hours the night before – then having taken a 2 hour nap – well, I figured that would do it. But even at bedtime, I was tired. I curled up reading, getting ready to sleep.
I drifted in and out of sleep…..for like six hours. Each time I would start to snooze, my brain would start playing through all of the things I need to remember for today’s project go-live. And even though I had no real anxieties about the project – I kept having weird little dreams that I misunderstood what the team thought about going live — and that today was going to be full of consequences of my communications about it. I finally put on my headphones and turned on something to listen to in hopes of giving my brain something else to gnaw on.
But even that wasn’t working as normal. It was like my brain was looking for things in what I was listening to and snagging them to worry about new things too.
As I was laying there in bed thinking about these things and thinking how fucking stupid it all was that I was even having them pop into my head when I knew nothing was wrong, I couldn’t help but get pissed off at my brain for doing this to me. Sleep is good. Why the hell can’t I have some, Brain!
So today I am at work utterly exhausted. Exhausted in a way where coffee just makes it worse – not better. My body doesn’t want food – it wants sleep. And I’m forced to try to get work done when there is little to be done.
I think that isn’t what is helping me. I worked about 10 hours this weekend on the go-live. We are live now with little to do because it went that smoothly. Of the two remaining projects, one has been “terminated” & the other is stalled. So, I’m sitting here exhausted with nothing to do but dream of a nap…..but knowing that maybe I should forego a nap even if the opportunity for one presented itself. All in hopes of sleeping tonight.