Machetes and Laughter

I heard sirens, but hearing sirens rarely means much because of where we live.  We live near two major roads and near a freeway, so sirens usually mean police are getting from point A to point B and crossing through our neighborhood en route.  So hearing sirens at 6:45 am was not too jarring – more resulted in a thought of “someone’s getting an early start on their day of crime”.

Then I headed to work – and saw the police cars hopped on curbs, a block from our house, with one person in the back of the police car and another being questioned.


Because of where it happened (in front of G’s favorite bar), I pinged him letting him know that maybe someone was trying to take advantage of the beer delivery to screw with the bar owner or something. That’s the way it looked anyway.

I get to work, not thinking much of it, until I get this text:

“From local police: police responding to report of 2 males fighting on the overpass – 1 male armed with machete.”

Then this….

“Update: suspect with machete taken into custody near train stop & without incident”

“This must be what you saw”

By this point, I’m at work reading these kind of chuckling.  I went for simple robbery in my head – but it wasn’t that – it was fighting with a fucking machete.  My cube neighbor who I was talking to asks what I’m chuckling about, I read him the texts just as G sends another….

“Fucking Highlanders…” was all I read when my cube neighbor muttered as he was turning to sit back down ….”and all their “there can be only one” crap….”

I looked down at my phone to read the rest of what G wrote….and laughed harder…..

After writing “fucking Highlanders”, he had written the exact same thing.

Because I was laughing, the woman I have become friends with in the area stood and gave me a big grin.  She is the one who told me that my laughter annoys Delores – the extremely negative accountant that sits between my new friend and me.  Delores bitches about everything and everyone when she isn’t telling everyone in the area – quite openly and loudly – how great she is.  Yeah, she’s a real peach.

My friend happened to be in the lunch room getting her tea when I went in to get my coffee.  “Lord, I’m happy it’s Friday” she says with an air of relief, like she made it through a lot of trials this week.  I ask if the week has been long for her, and she explains that she loves her husband but he is a klutz.  “Oh, has he been extra klutzy this week,” I ask.  “I had been asleep two hour Wednesday night when he wakes me up at 12:30am.  He had tripped and hit his head on a brick wall – somehow – and needed me to take him to the ER. I swear we should qualify for a frequent buyers card there.  Anyway, we sit until 4am, still waiting to be seen, when I realize I have no idea when he’s going to get in but I have a conference call related to accounting month-end close in 20 minutes.  I make sure everyone has my cell number and ask them to text me when he’s done – I have to go to work. I mean, I’m not doing anything but sitting next to him – he’s in a safe place – they’ll call.”  I wasn’t sure if I should laugh, feel sorry for her, or feel sorry for him.

She must of read it in my face because she continued to explain how often his ER visits happen.  Her birthday the past two years – holidays – long weekends – vacation.  The frequency is astounding that all I can do is laugh with her.  “It’s like someone didn’t teach him how to control his body – I swear!”

“You know because we’re laughing, we’re probably angering Delores,” I point out.

“Good,” she responds, “given how much she annoys the entire floor – I enjoy annoying her with laughter.”

I lean closer to her and admit, “I do too.”

These two interactions – yeah, I think they have set the tone for my day.  Thank the gods new and old because the tone the last few days has been quite the opposite.

And don’t even get me started on my teen angst bullshit I had to deal with in DJ yesterday.

I’m just focused on the fact we have a lovely 3 day weekend……ahhhhh!

What do you think?

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