Years ago, I dated someone who seemed to be a good kinky fit. Things progressed and friendship combined with kink seemed to evolve yet devolve. I was put in many situations that, now, I realize were fucked up. While in many cases, men will sometimes lament that women are trying to change them, I realize now that he was trying to change me. And not for the better – but for his fucked up way of viewing things.
I got hurt. Someone I know recently wrote an article on a popular site that made me think of him – made me relive a bunch of the shit I lived through then. It was affirming, yet confirmed my worst fear – he wasn’t just bad for me – he fucked me up.
Fast forward several years. I meet a man – a man I am enamored with – a man I respect – a man I find a good energy connection with – and, well, it makes me see an issue with how I had explained my past relationship. Sure, things were not easy – me being poly – him being monogamous – be we sort it out eventually.
And really – really what does it is simple –
I never ever wanted him to change – wanted him to be a different person. Ever. Truly.
I appreciated and loved who he was – exactly who he was. I never thought I could change nor did I wish to. He was this man who I respected, and well, if I respected him and who he was, I could never imagine trying to alter that – that would be saying I don’t love him as he is but love him as I hoped he could be.. That was screwed up to me – I couldn’t do it.
And what I love the most? He doesn’t want me to be anything than I am. And I love that about him. No manipulation. NO games. No anything but love for who I am.
And that is one of the reasons this works. He loves me in all my flaws and all – and I love him for the same reason.
We don’t want each other to change.
We just want to have the other in our lives.
And that – THAT makes a HUGE fucking difference.
I love him – he loves me – life is fucking excellent.
We are both blessed.