Tired

on

I’m tired of not sleeping.

(I don’t think I’ve slept between 1:30-4am the last several days.)

I’m tired of feeling like part of me is missing.

(I don’t know what it is – but I don’t feel whole.)

I’m tired of not having that exhale factor.

(I don’t know when I’ve had a day of nothing in a while.)

I’m tired of missing him so much that all I want to do is cry.

(Fuck do I miss him.)

I’m tired of life getting in the way of, well, life.

(I’m sick of schedules and last minute obligations that keep me going directions I don’t want to go.)

I’m tired of being responsible.

(Not being able to just skip something knowing it will be picked up by others.)

I’m tired of taking the lead.

(To micromanage vs know people know what to do is annoying.)

I’m tired of hearing how much someone does only to know I’m picking up all the slack.

(Hearing people take credit not only for what I do but the stuff I do behind the scenes…sigh)

I’m tried of being accomodating.

(Letting people have the slack they need while I have none.)

I’m tired of hearing the stories, but not being able to tell mine.

(“how are you” as a gateway to their stories and rants and life is maddening.)

I’m just tired.

And wonder when I can just be.

And wonder when I can sleep.

And wonder when I can get exactly what I want and need.

I hate this tired.

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