Poly and Missing Someone

Someone I know wrote on Twitter and Fetlife the following:

One thing people never tell you about is how you’ll always be missing someone.

I commented on her Fetlife post with “amen”  – and starred her Twitter comment. Because that is the part that sucks ass about poly, you truly are always missing someone.

You are always saying good-bye to one love and hello to another.

You are always making plans with one, while having to tell the other “not this weekend”.

It always feel you are in the wrong place with the wrong person as one poly partner is sick and the other is well, but plans are already set.

It is the part that sucks. The trade offs. The fact you love both so much, yet feel like one is getting one thing as the other is getting less of you. For me, I feel guilt – I feel regret – I wish for more always. Always.

Because love is such a big thing – such an amazing thing – such a thing that I hate short changing anyone in my life.  Because I have these amazing men who get me – who make me feel whole – who love my kids in different ways, who appreciate me and I them.   And I want to give them all I can – each and every day – I wish there were more of me and more time so the compromise is less – the pain each can feel when they want, and I’m not there, is less.

Missing someone is the norm – but it also sucks.

 

So I give what I have – give what I can – and try to remain as flexible as I can.

And hope both realize how much I love them.

Because I do – I feel gratitude every day I have with them.

Every moment I have with them.

And I thank the universe and the gods (new and old) that I am so blessed to be so loved.

I only hope they know that.

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