Shower Accidents & Other Monday Fun

This morning, I tried to rip my nose off in the shower.

I’m really not sure how it all came to be, but one minute, I was washing my face, trying to get all the soap off.  And the next, my finger brushing by my nostril, caught hold, and I tried to rip my nose off because I apparently didn’t notice it was caught so continued to try to wash the soap off of my face.

“Oh, FUCK”, I muttered, as my eyes immediately started filling with tears. Not because I was crying from the hurt but because there are certain places on your face that if you get hurt, it causes your eyes to fill with tears whether you want them to or not.

After they finally cleared and I got the rest of the soap off of my face, I check for bleeding because, well, I was washing my face pretty aggressively when it happened, so I was sure I had torn my nostril.  Thankfully, no blood – just a reminder of the stupidity that had just occurred  – an incredibly sore nostril.

I don’t normally drink coffee between the time I get out of bed and jump in the shower, but I’m seriously contemplating it now.  Especially after a weekend where I slept like shit.

I don’t know if it is allergies or the fact I am surrounded by people who seem to have the plague right now – but sneezing all night with a scratchy throat and stuffed up nose seemed to be my sleep pattern.  Add into it a fucked up conversation with my brother at 2:30 am on Sunday morning, and well, sleep apparently was an optional thing for me.

I slept last night. I think the rest of body finally told my brain and head to fuck off because its sleeping regardless of their issues – because I slept hard.  When I woke up briefly at like 3 am, my brain was like “I’m thirsty” to which the rest of my body told it to shut up and go back to sleep.  It listened……

….for once.

Clearly my brain was still asleep when I was in the shower given my lack of realization that I was going to hurt my nose if I did not stop washing my face.  I’m just glad it didn’t leave a mark because I would not have wanted to explain that one to those at work.

It has taken way too much coffee to get my brain alert and working again today.  Thought it seems that for some around me that they came pre-caffeinated.  The guy next to me at work was bouncing off the walls this morning when I asked him how his weekend was – and he launched into a full account of how his went that included hand gestures and the like as he described working all weekend.  He then concluded with “and that’s why I need coffee this morning.”   Dude, you do not need coffee.  Though, I have confirmation that I need coffee.

So I went to the lunchroom to get a cup of passable coffee.  And it looked like the Tasmanian Devil from Looney Tunes had gone in to make himself a cup of coffee.  Powdered creamer and sugar and sugar substitute were all over the counter, coffee machine, and floor.  This is where I should comment that I get to work at 7 am.  Normally the workday for most people starts at 9 am.   What the fuck. Either someone had had too much coffee already – or someone was suffering such great withdrawals from it that they were shaking shit all over the place.

I got back to my desk just in time to get the “nothing happened this weekend – how was your weekend?” message from a friend via Skype.  I had just started to type something when this never ending string of messages starting coming through about her son getting into it with another kid at the apartment which got the kid’s parent involved who touched him then came to her place and yelled at her on her doorstep until she told them to fuck off – then police came and she thanked her son for the drama.

I decided after this went on for 30 minutes without sign of it ending that I needed some real coffee, so went to the Starbucks across the street.  I ran into 3 cohorts of mine there – all of us in dire need of coffee as we were really unable to hold a conversation with each other.  And all, I suspect, coming to get coffee because it was clear that those around use were much more caffeinated than we were.

That cup of coffee helped.

Helped me laugh at the fact I had almost ripped my nose off.

Helped me play the “when is she going to realize she is doing all the talking game” with the friend.

Helped me dig through my notes and write humorous emails like “Good morning,  I’m not sure if you have been informed, but you have deliverables on my project.  Hell, I don’t even know if you know there is a project.  So, let me know your awareness level, so I can get you up to speed on this exciting project of report consolidation.”

Helped me wonder if the woman walking the dog who looked like a very angry ewok had any star wars knowledge to keep her safe at night because that dog looked like he would call upon his other ewok friends, tie her up, and drag her into their tree city where they would put her on a spit over a fire as they danced and sang their ewok songs.  She didn’t strike me as someone who had a C3PO which could be used to convince them to let her go as the “god is angry”.

Yeah, I’m definitely not right today.

I’m not sure more coffee will help …..

God, I need a nap!

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  1. Shower Accidents & Other Monday Fun

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