*inhale* In with love….
*exhale* Out with hate….
*inhale* In with healing…..
*exhale* Out with pain….
*inhale* In with confidence….
*exhale* Out with doubt….
*Inhale* In with optimism….
*exhale* Out with pessimism….
*inhale* In with acceptance of self….
*exhale* Out with rejection of self…
*inhale* In with worthiness….
*exhale* Out the feelings of worthlessness….
*inhale* In self love….
*exhale* Out self hate….
*exhale* the chaos….
I try to just be.
I try to believe sometimes that the facade I give others is the person behind it.
And most of the time it is, which I guess, is a win.
But sometimes it is not. Sometimes circumstances make me have to go through this exercise of consciously breathing in and out – breathing in the good while exhaling the bad. And, well…..sometimes it is a forced exercise as I try to get the inside the match the outside – as I try to get the cerebral mind to match the feelings of the heart.
I will not pretend it is easy.
I will not pretend it has been an easy week.
The facade you see may give you that impression that it is easy.
But it is not.
Because behind that wall, is a person…..a person trying to believe what she is projecting or at least trying to project.
Some days are easier than others.
Some hours are easier than others.
Today, it has gotten worse not better as I take care of the wider audience before me.
What can I say? It is who I am, it is what I do.
I hope if I make the collective better, it will make me better.
As an old boss used to say, in jest, when things were right but the reward seemed to be lacking, “your reward is in heaven….”
Somedays, that is hard to believe.