I hate board games.

There – I said it.  Tonight I remembered exactly why I hate board games too.  Because I played very few – and the ones I did play were not that complicated, I seem to find that whenever I enter into a board game as an adult – I just don’t know the rules.  And inevitably, I’m playing with people who seem to change the rules to suit them and who decide to be all cut throat.

One would think that I would enjoy the more strategic board games given how my mind works.  Nope – I get bored fast – but mainly, I feel like I’m entering into them like a toddler entering baseball for the first time.  I’m ready to play t-ball…..and I’m playing with major leaguers who just want to play already.  They know the strategy, so the feeling is that I need to catch up already.  Add into it the fact I’m trying to learn how to play the fucking game, first and foremost, and my patience as well as any element of fun flies out the fucking window.

Tonight we played Risk.  I’ve never played before. Everyone else had but had forgotten different parts of the rules, so they were brushing up as they went.  To me, the logic and the rules did not make sense to me.  I mean, really, if someone is attacking me with 3 troops – and I have 5 troops – how the fuck am I at a greater disadvantage to the point where my 5 troops really only count as 2?  This, to me, does not make sense.  Then, there was a rule that was forgotten.  The “you can keep attacking until you are decide you are done” rule.  Uhm, yeah, that changed the game.  I got to the point where I was already frustrated – then turned into a frustrated with a side of “so not fucking having fun” – and while everyone else was laughing and enjoying themselves – I was reminded that I hate board games.

I guess, for me, here is the difference.  If you didn’t know how to play baseball but wanted to play (or I invited you), I  wouldn’t toss a glove at you, tell you where to stand, and shout instructions as we went as you played for the other team, because, didn’t I tell you – the other team needs the player not my team. Nope. I would make sure you could use the glove or at least felt comfortable with the basics.  I would keep you on my team so I can answer questions as it went.  I would tell you what to focus on and what to ignore.  Infield fly rule – you don’t need to get that right now – it’s more important the umpire does – focus on something else.  I wouldn’t toss you into the deep end that also had fast moving water – no.  I would give you a life jacket and help you learn to swim in that water as I was swimming.

Oh, and as you screwed up, I wouldn’t make comments like you should have known better or “gee that wasn’t a smart move” or “aren’t you even trying” because – well, not helpful.

Yeah – I fucking hate board games.

Enter into the board game after a short rest post-7.35miles of walking around the state capital with an IT Band that decided to tell me to fuck off half-way into it, toss in some grumpy in-laws with some grumpy kids who still are on west coast time so their 9am wake-up still felt like 6am to them, sprinkle in the fact we all got sunburned today while outside in the overcast skies, then the cherry on top being how I would unwind is far from how my in-laws would unwind, and, well…..yeah…..I really just wanted to go into our bedroom and do anything and everything than play a fucking board game.

I should also mention that their idea of alcohol in the house is rum or cheap ass white wine or “The King of Beers”.  Yeah…..sigh.

Walking around the capital was awesome when my in-laws were sniping at each other.  For two world travelers, their sense of adventure in finding their way around the monuments was totally nil.  I’m sorry – find the tall phallic shaped building, and you will also find along the way a shitload of other buildings, such as the White House, the Capitol Building, Lincoln Memorial, The Vietnam Vet Memorial, and a whole lot of other government landmarks.  It really is far from hard to miss them.  And, as you walk between them all, you will find little visitor stands where the nice person inside is happy to give you a crazy thing called a map, so you don’t miss any of the other places you might want to see.  While they were mapping out the next move, I just wanted to fucking wander.  I wanted to stop and look at the neat buildings. I wanted to see what we could see.  Each time I would stop to take a shot and lag back, I felt like I was ruining their timeline especially the more tired they got.  I was thankful when the needed to stop somewhere and we continued on to the house we were staying.  By this time, Indigo was tired and grumpy and just doing the stupid little things she does in this state – so I was trying to make sure she didn’t get run over, sucked into an escalator (which her skirt did get caught), or annoy the people around us.  I was in a head space where all I wanted was to ditch the kids and the family and find a funky bar with beer.

Sigh.

I really hope we can take a break from the in-laws.

And no more fucking board games.  Else I may kill someone.

Truly.

endnote:
I should take this chance to say that there was some good about today.  Great locations – decent photos – the kids were in rare form before they got tired. My inlaws bring out the mama bear in me as I’m constantly protecting my family from their neurosis.  It takes a fucking lot out of a person.  This is not how I would have liked to spend my break.  While I appreciated G’s snark towards them and their shit, I knew how quickly that could backfire.  So, I was in full-on adult mode where I was even getting him to knock it off.  Yeah – long fucking day where the crap overrode the good.  I fucking hate that.