I was asleep by 9pm. I had been in bed for almost two hours by that point – feeling tired and achy and feverish – I finally just went to curl up there.
But my body has now woken me up. Feeling the same way again. I hate sick.
I woke up this morning feeling fuzzy but with a sore throat and stuffy head. Allergy meds, coffee, toast and water all seemed to help until I started feeling nauseous. I hate nauseous.
So, Daddy held me, brought me water and tums, and just cuddled me close while we watched Game of Thrones. I would have laid down to sleep but my body just was feeling so off that laying down did not sound good. So he tucked a blanket around us and I cuddled right into that crook of his arm that I fit into. There is something about him – about our energy together or maybe it’s the way we cycle energy – that just brings me to a quiet place – let’s me settle down and not worry, not get too far into my head. I feel safe, taken care of, calm even when I normally would not be.
I finally realized I had to go home. Really not wanting to but knowing that at some point, the other parts of my life needed to be faced. I drove home with the AC on in the car because I felt so warm. When I got home, DJ gave me a hug, declared I was warm, and put her cold hands on my face. It felt great. And I smiled because she was doing to me what I would have done to her (and have done).
I sat on the couch where both dogs, sensing, I think, that I was not feeling well, curled up next to me. Maggie with her head in my lap.
Now I’m awake – tired, feverish, but wide awake – my body wanting and craving rest but refusing to let me have it, or so it feels. I feel like my body has been fighting whatever it is fighting for a week now. Each time I think it has won the battle, it turns out it has not – it hits me again harder. Though, to be fair, this past week has been busy with lots of stress. Maybe it’s because when I’m with SB and I can exhale, my mind is quiet enough that I can tell that it is not well – that I have only ignored the signs of sick to get through my stressful week. Who knows.
All I know is it can go away already.