Good morning! I’m awake! I blame a few things for this. The first is the fact I actually got a full night of sleep. After the crappy night of sleep I got the night before, I was in true need of sleep. Second thing is that I took nyquil. I can only take half a dose, but it helped kick all of those cold related things from keeping me awake so I could sleep. And the last thing is Maggie deciding to let us know at 4am how truly unhappy she is that she was forced to sleep in her kennel and not in our bed. Did she mention she was lonely and cold and just very sad? At 5am, I said screw it, got up, let her take my spot, and got my workout in. Which I guess that I liked about Maggie being the last thing because the exercise truly kicked me into being awake too. I’m glad I did it because holy-sore-muscles-Batman! I find exercise while fighting a cold seems counter-intuitive, but actually does a better job clearing my head than any drug I could take. Nothing like raising your body temperature to make things move.
So now I’m at work realizing that today is a light day – a VERY light day – like I don’t have a meeting I really need to attend day – and am not quite sure what to do with myself. I could have finished one of the two blog posts I have started, but yeah – not in the mood. Plus I need to think on them some more.
—> This is truly where I’m at with my friend right now.
She is the one that is inspiring one of the blog posts I’m working on right now. My tantra teacher likes to remind people that if the same shit in your life is coming up over and over and over again, the universe is doing it because you are ignoring the lesson it is trying to teach you. And I do believe that. Sitting back and watching her (and a few others) be smacked across the head repeatedly only to dumbfounded as to why is like watching someone walking into a low hanging branch repeatedly. After a while, it’s a failed IQ test. If I did not have to use Skype for work, I would log off of Skype for good. But sadly, work wins. Ironically when I appear offline for my own sanity, she doesn’t notice and keeps Skyping me knowing I’ll get the messages when I come back online – or she’ll text me.
I have another friend who keeps making snide comments implying that I’m clearly feeding the crazy person. She has no idea what true crazy does – they ignore all social cues, direct messages, and continue to live in their world. Like I told G yesterday – I have tried empathy but “I’ll never understand”…..I’ve tried sympathy but “why do I care if someone is sorry – this fucking sucks” … and I’ve tried apathy which results in a whole new level of “you don’t understand”.
So this other friend making the passive aggressive remarks to me just had me shaking my head. She has no freaking idea what it’s like to get cornered via technology with someone that isn’t getting the hint of “hello, i’m ignoring you”. Fuck, she doesn’t even get the hint when I do it. Meanwhile, while I get messages of how frustrated she is that her friends on Facebook are….uh-hem….doing Facebook wrong. She will sit there and just them based on statuses – not only what they put in there but how much of it is their own doing, etc, etc. In short, they should be using Facebook differently…..her way. She will make psychological diagnosis about why they are so unhappy, how they need to change, what they need to change, etc. Yeah, I have to listen to all of this from her because she messages it to me. I roll my eyes and ignore it or ask about the weather. I make a side comment about “Oh Good Lord why won’t she shut up about X”……and I get sniped at. Yeah, go be unhappy over there.
Because here is the thing, I am incredibly happy right now. I was thinking about it last night as I was watching DJ’s taekwondo class. I should be feeling drop after the incredible time that SB and I had last weekend. I should be feeling droopy or something. That’s the norm or has been. Instead – I feel filled up – overflowing with happy. I miss him just like I usually do, but I feel him and it seems when that is the strongest, I get a text from him like he can feel it too. We are cycling happy. What am I saying – we are cycling bliss. I like that.
Ok – off to really start my workday.
Have a good Wednesday. And remember what Buddha says: