I think a few people in my world need this tattoo’d to their fucking foreheads. Seriously. I am currently “invisible” to someone because they are melting down (again) and I don’t have the capacity to handle it because it’s the same thing she was melting down about last Thursday, then Friday, and then Monday. Funniest statement she made to me? “At least I’m doing well with life despite the fact I ran out of my anti-anxiety med a week ago.” Uhm, hell no. I was describing to DJ the other day after work how the day of “conversation” had gone with this person.
Me: God, I’m tired today.
Person: Why do 20yr olds message me like they have a chance?
Me: Another “what’s up, sexy” message?
Person: Can you believe that someone would ping me at work about needing a check to pay something today?
Nothing like a “conversation” that is not one – but filled instead with complaints about everything. And when something I do say about her complaint is addressed, I get “but you don’t understand…” with further complaining. No, I do understand – you just want to bitch and not take action.
Yeah, I’ll be invisible today so maybe she will think I decided not to work and leave me alone.
Because here is the thing – it is one thing to say, “excuse me while I vent about something” – then vent about the stupid that is frustrating you at the moment. But then, you need to pull up your big girl panties and move the fuck along. It is also another thing to say “I really hate it when XYZ happens, it’s driving me crazy, I have no idea what to do anymore.” That is stating your frustration and inviting a conversation about it. However, you can’t be an askhole about it either and constantly be talking about it but taking ZERO action. While do-nothing is always a valid solution and choice, so is shutting the fuck up about asking for advice if you are determined not to change it. At that point, you are “advise shopping” meaning “you want someone to validate what you want to do, not really needing help.”.
I am so appreciative of the fact I have a good dialog with my eldest daughter DJ. The fact we can talk about most everything and anything is pretty damn cool. Yesterday another teen milestone was reached – and she was able to come home and share all of her feelings about it all without embarrassment. We were able to talk through the situation – and she came out feeling ok about things.
And what I really loved?
The fact the things she is weird-ed out about are all because they are not focuses in her life – focuses of the people in her life. For example, she commented “I can’t take a compliment, I guess, because anytime I’m told I’m being cute, I don’t know how to respond. It feels weird.”
In that comment, I realized that being pretty is not something people say to her. DJ is smart. DJ is responsible. DJ is caring. DJ is empathetic. DJ is strong. DJ is funny. People will toss in at the end that she’s all of that and beautiful to boot, but she gets compliments for being all those other things first, not just because she’s pretty. This has allowed her to be, well, her – not someone else – not fixated on getting people to believe she is pretty by their standards. Someone comments they cannot believe she goes into the woods and gets mud on her face and ash in her hair, she replied she cannot believe they miss out on doing those things.
I kinda like she chooses those things as being her priority vs being seen as popular and pretty and all. Definitely talking through that with her, I realized “damn, we did a good job so far.” That’s fucking awesome.
So, I leave this weird post on the following note. Seems appropriate given the holiday tomorrow.
As for me – I will go back to pretending to work – and counting down the time until I say fuck it and leave. Maybe I can get more Christmas shopping done. Hmmm.
Happy Thanksgiving Eve!