Someone in our local kink community posted something a week ago on Fetlife commenting about his health. Until that point he had not made many statements about it – but through this writing, it was quite clear that he was in a mentally and physically bad place.
A friend mentioned him to me today, and I commented that I hope he was okay. I had not heard what malady he was fighting. She implied she had been having some side conversations with him, so I asked if he had revealed it to her.
“No, they simply don’t know which is too bad given he’s a slut like I am and truly is attracted me and me to him – so if he was feeling better I know I’d have a great play partner given he, like me, has HSV2 too….I mean, I know it may not be apparent but he really is attracted to me – like seriously – so it’s too bad really.”
I really didn’t know how to respond. My question of concern about another member of the community – about a fellow human being was not met with an answer or even an “yeah, I’m not sure – I do hope he is okay” – was instead met with a statement about how it sucks he is sick because she could be getting laid.
I closed the chat window because I was beyond dumbfounded at her statement. How does one respond to that? I decided if I did bluntly and directly point it out that she wouldn’t get it – so I walked away. I’m not the dumbass whisperer.
Later, I was talking to someone on my committee about the upcoming show. Artist who goes dark right before the show always freaks me the fuck out. So, I gave him a head’s up – we could be punting. Then I made a comment about a woman who was a major volunteer at the club who disappeared due to her health. She was on the committee (technically) but her health usually precluded me from letting her do physical work. Major heart issues – like so bad she was forced to leave her career and retire early because sitting at a desk was even bad for her heart. I heard that she had been scheduled to go into surgery about six weeks ago, and sadly, I have never heard an update. If sitting at a desk was too much strain on her heart, did she make it through surgery??
I expressed this concern to this guy – his response:
“Who cares – it’s not like she ever helped out anyway….I wrote her off long ago.”
I’m wondering if she is still alive (not hyperbole) – and he is fixated on her work habits.
WHAT. THE. FUCK!?
Either I have a high concentration of dumbasses in my life – those who only look at people as “what can they give me to make my life easier” instead of “wow – here is this amazing person in my life, this person may not be perfect but I do hope their well being is, well, uhm, well.” or this is the world we now live in. The world where people are only in it for themselves – fuck the struggle of others.
I guess I cannot to do that. I cannot say “fuck their issues, what about me” and I can’t say “what about me” either. Maybe that is why I cherish those in my life that see me struggle – for whatever reason big or small and support me. It is why I cherish them – because I’m surrounded by “what about me” types.
All I know is that by the end of the day, I was done. I was ready to just crawl under my covers and forget the world. Because no matter what I may feel – I do care – I do want people to be well – even my enemies. It is who I am.
I would rather focus on positive than negative.
Call me crazy……
…..and I’ll tell you I’m good with that.