Yesterday, I realized I had spent my week longing for the things that “would make things better for me” or “make me feel better” – less stressed, happier, content, get my energy back to where I wanted it to be.  The stress of the week  – the energy being expended out vs taken in – just put me in a headspace where I was putting too much emphasis on what outside me had to happen to fix my slump.  Like, if I just had that really yummy chocolate cake from New Seasons that I love as a treat, that I’ll feel happier.  Or, if I can just see SB, all will be right in my world.

The problem is this – exactly this –

All week, I kept thinking about what was going to fix it. About everything that just needed to happen so I could find happy again – find peace – and sleep and be well and exhale.   I was trying to force things – and when it wasn’t what I wanted in my head – I was not happy – I was frustrated. I was looking outside of me to fix how I was feeling inside of me….and, well…..that’s not how it works.

I know that too. I know better.

But I was focused on the wrong things – the external things that will be what they are instead of focusing on what I can change – which is me – my thinking – my responses, etc.

Because so much is right in my life. I am blessed in more ways than I can count.  I am loved.

So much in my life is right – yet, all of those things were forgotten because “if this just fell into place, I’ll find peace” was my thinking.

I stayed home last night.  I put myself in a time-out of sorts knowing that if the wrong thing happened – my reactions would not be what they would normally be if I was in the right frame of mind.  I ordered my favorite kind of pizza, I bought myself ice cream that I usually avoid, I drank my favorite beverages, watched some goofy stuff on TV, curled up under a blanket on the couch with the dogs and a cat.  I just tried being for a while.  Then I went to be early – I slept for as long as I wanted – and I exhaled some more.  Oh, and I avoided those that suck energy from me more than gives back to me.

Un-slumping yourself is not easy.  But I was the only one who was going to do it.  I knew that.  I know that.

I guess the one thing I’m grateful for is the support and understanding SB has given me.   And above all else, his love when I have felt anything but loveable.  Goes a long way in un-slumping yourself.