“She really doesn’t like seeing you happy, does she?”
In one simple observation, he summarized exactly the crux of the issue I was having with this friend – this person who has been a part of my life more than half of my life.
She really doesn’t want to see me happy.
And I truly know that she isn’t going “hey, Emmy’s happy, how can I derail this happiness”. I know that what she is saying and doing to me is more of a reflection of her own state of mind than my own. But damn…..
…..even that explanation does not ease the bullshit.
Because she is truly an unhappy person. While everyone wants to vent at times – needs to vent at times – the continual string of frustration with life is sometimes too much. The continual string of needing to fully analyze and criticize those whose reactions she does not agree with – is also too much. And the fact that her response to it all has increasingly become “control everything in my world” that I don’t think she has realized it also means control people – how they think, how they look at the world, what they say, etc. And for people like me, who abhor anyone telling me how to think or act or be – well, no matter how many times I can repeat to myself “it’s a reflection of her not me, it’s a reflection of her not me” – it does not dull the anger and frustration I feel about it.
Hurting, not hurting. Happy, not happy. Angry, not angry. I don’t fucking care – you don’t have any right to tell people how to feel.
And in that situation, knowing how unhappy she truly is with her life – there isn’t enough compassion in the world to make a friendship work with her without losing myself.
Today, on my Facebook feed, was a post by the fitness guru and life coach Chalene Johnson – I follow her because I like her personality and attitude on her workouts I do. The title of her post: “SORRY… BUT WE NEED TO BREAK UP…”
Yes, universe, I hear ya. I even said to SB last night as we spoke, I need to figure out what to do with this friend. I’ve known this on some level – but damn – nothing like having it shout at you, just like that – in a facebook feed, no less.
I’m going to post her whole post because – well, it’s dead on….in so many fucking ways – not just in my situation but in so many. And while I’ve been there and done this with some people who were in my life, the process of hitting that point of “I’m done” is far from easy. I don’t think it should be easy, truth be told, stuff is disposable, not people. And for it to be easy, well, makes me feel like I’m not treating people with care. But sometimes, it need to be done. Sometimes self preservation is more important.
Letting go, even when you know someone isn’t good for you can be difficult. We fear change because the status quo represents comfort. But good things happen when you’re willing to get a little uncomfortable.
Letting go of people who don’t carry genuine love in their heart for you is something you can do for yourself. These people’s negative nature has nothing to do with you. How they treated your relationship or their own potential says more about them then it does about YOU.
It’s not personal. It’s about them.
So take a deep breath, and say “sorry, but we need to break up.” Have the strength to let go of these people… free them from your life. YOU deserve so much better!
This doesn’t mean I want you running out and “breaking up” with people in your life that aren’t moving you forward… This means I want YOU… on your end of the relationship… to make a conscious effort to NOT INVEST your time in these people and start investing your time in the people that really drive you towards the life you want.
Start to surround yourself with those that lift you up and support you. Put people in your life that keep you accountable and are a positive influence. Is there someone in your life that makes you just a little bit uncomfortable… uncomfortable in the sense of wanting to not let them down… not wanting to disappoint them?? Is there someone in your life that you look up to and almost makes you nervous to be around? That is someone who’s going to push you to be YOUR best! Play up in your relationships… invest your time in those that PUSH you! Winners love to see others win!
I guess the only thing I would add – is people who care about you, truly care ….will want you to be happy – and they will love to see you happy.
Yes, universe…I hear you. No more investment.
I am truly done.