Up and Down and All Around

Today has been one of those days – a roller coaster of sorts.

I started out not wanting to get up. I was tired – I wanted to sleep, but work called – so I got up, dragged myself to work, sipped on my protein shake between sips of coffee, and tried to get my day going.

I went into a meeting where I was mocked – again.  What sucks ass about being mocked by this crew? I have an amazing track record of getting my shit done on time  – they do not.  It’s like being the star of the team only to continually be mocked by the benchwarmers.  While in the meeting, seething, I got a skype from the guy who has the job I want.  “Come see me” was the simple statement.  I left the meeting, headed straight to the elevator and his office.

I anticipated good news.  I needed good news. I needed to know his escape hatch for me was open and ready for me to dive through it.

What I got was “I am getting a different answer everyday – I don’t know when I’m going to have a clear one. By mid-Sept, I’ll at least have a new position for you to apply for, if you want it.”

Fuck.

“Well,” I told him, “consider this my notice that I’m applying.  I want out – I’m done – save me or I leave this fucking place.”

We talked salary – all was good there.

We talked objectives for the next six months – I saw even more opportunity.

We talked next steps – we were on the same page.

I left, dropped off my laptop off at my desk, grabbed coffee, and told my boss we should talk.  I knew enough was happening that I wanted to make sure that everything was fully disclosed – I didn’t want him surprised.

Instead – I got surprised.  See this post.

I left that meeting feeling good.  I had an approach – I had support. I was going to go where I wanted to go.

Awesome.

I went back to my desk to get some shit done as I waited for DJ to get done with High School Orientation. I had promised her lunch if she met me at the right time.  All was good.  I got some shit down –  I chatted with a few people.  I noticed it was 12:10pm – so I pinged DJ: “what’s up – when will you be here?”

Her response was that things were running long- she wasn’t sure when things would end.  I told her I would owe her lunch – and check in later.  I ran out, grabbed food, and headed to my next meeting.  I was in a good space.  I was getting shit done.  Awesome.

Mid afternoon, I realized I had not heard from DJ.  I should explain – her HS is near my work.  She’s doing public transit to get there. And while I have no doubt she will break the leg of a guy fucking with her, I cannot help but worry anyways.  So I texted her – asked if she made it home.  And got so many texts back – telling me about it all – I could feel her excitement – her energy – through the messages.  I was grinning out of happiness – and reading her messages, I was also not feeling ready for all of this.  I stopped seeing many years of school in front of her – and suddenly started realizing I’m only seeing 4 more years.

Fuck.

The realization that when I turn 45, she will be graduating from high school.

Double fuck.

There are times when a parent is struck by their kid getting too old too fast.  Most tell the story about crying after they put their 5 year old on the bus to school.  Others talk about their first sleep away camp.  Me? Never felt this way – until she hit high school.  Yeah – this mom is not ready.

I sent something to SB about it – and he had the exact right words – exactly what I needed to hear.  And it put me back into the right space.  But damn, what a random road bump for the day.  So my sadness and excitement for DJ was replaced with an overwhelming sense of “how the fuck did I find someone who knows exactly what I need to hear without even seeing me or hearing me?!? God, am I lucky.”

Then, after that all ended – the guy with the job came by my desk: “I have approval to steal you – come upstairs to talk to so-and-so in 30 min. God am I excited that you get to work with me!”

Hello – whiplash!

While I’m excited about the fact I’m being tossed into a new role, I am chatting with a “friend”….I use friend loosely.  He commented about some kink community bullshit and I made a comment about “I feel like our community is quite fractured right now”.  This comment launches him into a tirade about how I’m just like everyone else – putting too much emphase on a pseudo community that doesn’t exist – just because people have kink in common doesn’t make for a community.  He likes who he likes – hates who he hates – and he is not obligated to give anyone else anything else just because they are kinky.

EXCUSE ME?!?  That’s not at ALL what I meant!

And yeah – thanks for exemplifying my point, Mr Executive Board Member of Our Kink Association.  Really?!?

I was pissed.  Fuck him for projecting whatever his fucking issues are onto me.

My response was simply: “That was far from what I was talking about – but ok….?”

I got a quick “sorry” and nothing else.

Reading it, I was like “Fuck you, you fucking presumptuous asshole who likes to blame people for dumping their shit on you, yet it is truly you dumping on others.”  What a fucking victim he is – geesh!

Another turn on that rollercoaster.

I went to the meeting where I got briefed on my new project which turned out to be a program.  (Lingo alert – Portfolios are a group of programs, programs are a group of projects) This program has 6 projects as part of it.  SIX!  And the previous project manager who just left? Fuck knows what he was doing.

“We are going to kick ass and take names on this!” was the comment my counterpart in the accounting group made.  She’s right.  We work well together – we have a similar background.  And with my reputation in IT, well, let’s just say, excuses that were valid will no longer be valid.  I put up with none of that shit – and they know that.  Yeah, it’ll be fun.

After a handoff meeting with the previous project manager, I wrapped up a few things – and realized I need to go.  The girls are going to a convention this weekend, and I had to pick something up for Indigo.  She was a last minute (grateful) invite to go with her sister and her friends – and is happy to be going. She just needs a few things.

I was skyped by my new manager – I told him I needed to run (time sensitive errand) and he asked for me to stop by before I left.  I did – and got:

“I wanted you to know how happy I am you are on my team.  Thank you for joining.  Have a great weekend – and I know things will get straightened out with you on board.”

Wow.

There is a great scene in a movie called Parenthood from 1989 – funny movie directed by Ron Howard and featuring greats like Steve Martin, Rick Moranis and others.  The scene feature a senile old grandmother and she says this:

While there are part of the ride I hate, I must admit – days like today are NOT boring.  I guess I like roller coasters more than I realized.  They evoke emotions that make you realize, at a basic level, that you are alive.  Yeah, alive here! Alive…grateful…..blessed…

I could complain about a lot of things – but when I take a step back and all, I realize how I have nothing to bitch about……blessed is more like it.

What do you think?