Search Terms Make Me Laugh

Sometimes I look at the terms people use to find my blog and giggle.  It is too funny.   Really.

For example,

how to deep kiss when licking dick and sucking nipple and clitoris”

Answer: Three heads. It’s the only way to do it without breaking your neck or requiring you both to be so flexible that you both qualify for the Guinness Book of World Records.

” he fucks me hard”

I’m glad to hear it. Hard fucks are my favorite fucks.

 cencent photo arm.around girl”

I’m really not sure what you are looking for – photo tips? selfie tips? tips of cock? I’m not sure how I can help.  Ok, maybe I’d suggest a tripod and remote for the camera. Or maybe tripod and a timer.

fucking the head as an erogenous zone”

Easy? Get into her head – and, well, you’ll get into her pants.  Just the way it works.  As someone I know once said, the head the largest sex organ – if you don’t turn it on, you don’t turn the rest of me on.

“dominant male bent over fucked hard stories”

I am the wrong place for stories like this as I’d rather be bent over and fucked hard by a dominant man then turn the tables on one. Dominant in bed, I am not.

don’t pee on the electric fence

Really – it’s great advice. Don’t do it. Unless you are an extreme masochist into electrical play of that sort.  Regardless, not recommended.

“daddy hard thingy press up my butt”

Mmm……sounds good to me.  Find a Daddy with a hard “thingy” and, well, go to town.

whippy rattan cane”

I like to call it “the whippy bitch” and, well, ow is a great word to describe it.

“he slid his hand up my dress and held my cock”

First off, I don’t have a cock. I have a cunt.  So, how someone ended up to this site with that phrase is beyond me.  Secondly, if he did slide his hand up someone’s dress, I hope he expected a cock. If not, it’s a bad story.  Or a version of the song Lola.  Either way – “SURPRISE!”

i don’t sugarcoat bullshit”

Neither do I. I’m not Willy Wonka.

spanked to tears and sodomized”

Spanked and sodomized………

………..excuse me, what was I talking about?

daddy fingers me erotica”

Daddy definitely does finger me.  If you ever go to a BDSM event – and Danarama is presenting – go this his fingerbanging class.  There – that is my advice if you come here looking for fingering.   Oh, and a towel – make sure if you try the techniques, you have a towel.  Insert comment about planning and piss poor performance or something.

This is just a subset. I’m really concerned about some other things because – well, uhm, yeah.  Let’s just say – not my kink.

What do you think?