I will not pretend I understand it.
This connection I feel with him.
I can feel him when he’s feeling strong emotions – good and not so good. And often by the time I realize I’m feeling one or the other, it is to the point where it has set the undertone of my own emotions. Like if he’s having a great day – things are going well – I’ll catch myself grinning like a goon. No real reason – just feeling strong emotions of happy – of giddy. And when I realize it is what he is feeling, I smile even more.
And when things are not going well for him, I feel those too. Sadness and melancholy that I don’t quite understand. Ironically, each time I feel that way and am not sure why, I pin it on something like lack of sleep or stress or something else – something that is entirely mine. Forgetting that it could be him. Then when I find out it was where he was at, I kick myself because in my haste to figure my own emotions out, I pull back a little, not wanting to inadvertently bleed on someone I love.
This ebb and flow – this thread that seems to connect us – this thread through which we feel each other. It’s incredibly hard to explain.
He commented one day that we must have been connected in a former life. Weird to consider but dead on in terms of the thoughts I have had. The intensity of our energy connection when we are together and apart renders me speechless sometimes. I cannot explain it. I don’t want to explain it – I just try to ride the wave and live in the now.
Because now is all we have. Explainable or not. Understandable or not. Tomorrow may never come – yesterday is gone. Today is all we have. All we have guaranteed. We cannot question how we got here or why – only know we are here.
So, I will not worry about understanding it.
I will only enjoy it – and savor it – and savor him.