I will not pretend I understand it.

This connection I feel with him.

I can feel him when he’s feeling strong emotions – good and not so good.  And often by the time I realize I’m feeling one or the other, it is to the point where it has set the undertone of my own emotions.  Like if he’s having a great day – things are going well – I’ll catch myself grinning like a goon. No real reason – just feeling strong emotions of happy – of giddy.  And when I realize it is what he is feeling, I smile even more.

And when things are not going well for him, I feel those too.  Sadness and melancholy that I don’t quite understand.  Ironically, each time I feel that way and am not sure why, I pin it on something like lack of sleep or stress or something else – something that is entirely mine.  Forgetting that it could be him.  Then when I find out it was where he was at, I kick myself because in my haste to figure my own emotions out, I pull back a little, not wanting to inadvertently bleed on someone I love.

This ebb and flow – this thread that seems to connect us – this thread through which we feel each other.  It’s incredibly hard to explain.

He commented one day that we must have been connected in a former life.  Weird to consider but dead on in terms of the thoughts I have had.  The intensity of our energy connection when we are together and apart renders me speechless sometimes.  I cannot explain it.  I don’t want to explain it – I just try to ride the wave and live in the now.

Because now is all we have.  Explainable or not.  Understandable or not.  Tomorrow may never come – yesterday is gone.  Today is all we have.  All we have guaranteed.  We cannot question how we got here or why – only know we are here.

So, I will not worry about understanding it.

I will only enjoy it – and savor it – and savor him.