I realized last night as I was saying a phrase that gets said a lot in my house these days how utterly strange it would be for someone to come into my life and hear some of these things. Or hear the variety of topics that can occur at the same time.
Here are some great snippets:
“Get your nose out of my butt!” — Maggie (my pitbull mix) has a way of goosing me while I wear skirts. And since I’m rarely wearing panties – well, the cold nose gets my attention.
“Either go get your meds or find a mean sadist to beat you – but you need one or the other – but likely both” – to a friend who is stressed about life to the point of shutting down
“Does your bottom hurt, baby?” – I have a mean Daddy. Thank GOD!
“So if I poke you here, that’ll hurt?” – And a husband who enjoys the after effects of my time with my mean Daddy.
“My cat has an unnatural relationship with the vacuum cleaner. Check your phone for a picture.” – a friend of mine who caught her cat, ahem, in the act.
“Go to the street view on Google maps and you can see your mom’s best side! Oh yeah, and post it to FB please.” – My dad after discovered that my mom got caught by the Google street team – with her butt to the camera as she was picking up trash. Being the good and obedient daughter that I am, I of course captured it for all to see. My mom is used to being tormented by all of us – and found it funny too.
“I got to beat the cow tonight” – Indigo who in her excitement forgot to add DRUM after the cow part to her statement. She takes an African drumming class which has been great for her – high energy stuff – lots of physical aspects to doing it. Perfect. And apparently shows her how to beat cows.
“Mmmm….turkey boob.” – DJ who insists on using boob instead of breast when talking about eating her poultry.
“The kitty does not want to be licked!” — Our attempt to keep Maggie the pitbull from licking to death our 15 year old cat who must enjoy it at some level because she lets her do it. We can’t even own normal animals.
“Ooooo…animalistic threesome!” – When Maggie the pitbull was on Derek’s lap only to have the other dog try to hump her at the same time. I was too slow with a camera to capture that Kodak moment.
“I think the three tax codes in that country have made her crazy because its getting worse!” – Junior analyst’s comment to me after the tax analyst came to bug me for the 100th time yesterday. And I thought it was just me.