Funny how the universe works sometimes. Funny how energy works sometimes. Funny how life goes sometimes.
I love him.
Plain and simple. No frills needed because it is that pure. No words can truly articulate things the way they should be. And I both love and hate that sometimes. Why? Because I wish I could express myself better about how I feel – what I feel. Yet, it is so pure – so intense – I cannot. And I love that. But hate it. Hell, I’m a writer among other things – the fact something is leaving me unable to express myself is awesome (and sucks).
We went out. The energy was weird. Encounters seems to be with people who were in the middle of crisis or in the middle of pain. The energy of the place reflected that – amplified that, it seemed. No one was happy – or few were – too few to change the energy, change the flow of the place. So we hung out, did our own thing, yawned, and went home.
It’s funny how much his place feels like home to me. I realize that as I think about things – as I write about things. Home can be assumed to be where my life is at too – but my life is also there with him, at his place, in his space. Funny how eye opening it is to realize it.
Home we went – and we both reflected on the night, reflected on our own observations, and reflected on our own energy feelings. Both of us were wide awake and happy now that we were away. So by the time we got home, we were in a good place – a better place, than things had been prior.
Absinthe is something to which he introduced me. I love licorice flavors – black licorice being my all time favorite. I recall the first time I sipped absinthe at home – savoring that flavor, that burn of alcohol, that heat I felt in my belly. It was yummy and definitely brought me to a good place – a good level.
So, he mixed up the absinthe for us to sip as we continued our night. Sitting on the couch, we talked, sipped our absinthe, kissed, and laughed. The evening was ours – our own bubble of happy, our own bubble of content, our own night of stories and sharing of life. And as the night became later, we were like two giddy teens – fueled by alcohol, fueled by our energy, fueled by our laughter, fueled by our love.
We talked about things – our past together – our “break” as it is now referred. And to hear him describe and use the exact words I use was mindblowing – was reassuring. My mind was blown that we were saying the same thing without coordination – without discussion – we were just feeling it from each other. To be on the same page, in the same book, on the same sentence and same word was amazing – and rare. I felt love our love instead – our respect – our desire to live now and live in the love and light – instead of the past and the dark or the future and the uncertain.
We curled up into bed when we realized it was 3am. Wrapping our bodies around each other – him kissing my head, me kissing his neck as I burrowed into that spot I love – that spot that I fit. He tucked me in, making sure I was warm – and I felt loved – cherished – happy – content.
Life made it so we couldn’t spend all day in bed as we had hoped. Kid event left me out the door early but not before some morning giggles. Even now, as I write this, the morning and evening brings tears to my eyes. Not in sadness, but in how fucking, utterly perfect it is – how fucking, utterly blessed I am to have him in my life – to have him care about me – and how fucking utterly amazed I am when I think how we are together.
“I am better with you in my life, than I am without you.”
He says that to me a lot. And I feel it – in return. My life is whole with him in it. It is complete. It doesn’t feel like I have a hole I cannot explain or a place where I wish I understood what should be there to make it feel as it should instead of as it is. He truly compliments me – compliments the other aspects of my life – and completes me. I leave his arms each and every times acutely aware of it. I am blessed – in so many ways. Last night – like any night with him – reminds me of that.