I have a friend who is kind of pissed at me right now. All because I called his ass out on his bad kink party etiquette.
Wil Wheaton has a rule online that he summarizes nicely:
“Don’t be a dick.”
This is a great GREAT rule for people to adopt in a BDSM environment (or, life – but right now, we are focusing on kink).
See something you can’t fathom partaking in?
Don’t say “Who would even DO that??”
Why? Because you are shaming and/or pissing off the people who DO get off on it.
See someone doing a scene that is extremely intense?
Don’t say “What is that person trying to prove??”
Why? Because you don’t know them – and why does someone have to be proving something just because it’s intense?
And, finally – the comment that got made that pissed me off….
Don’t go up to someone after they have just done the most intense impact scene with some of the most sadistic tops in the community and call them a wimp.
Even in jest, you are just being a dick.
Because here is the thing with that comment as well as the others, people are flying high and crashing hard. And sometimes it just takes one harsh comment like that one to send them crashing to the ground.
And in this case, it did…..hard. The person he said that to was already in an emotionally vulnerable state having just taken about 300 swats with some pretty intense shit. Intense shit where no one involved would have called her a wimp.
Even in jest, no one would have called her that.
Was the guy joking? Yeah – a bit. Should he apologize? YES. Because even if it a joke that landed wrong, having that person turn to her date and start crying is a sign that something was said wrong. A sign the joke landed flat.
And I guess this is my last point, you cannot be a dick to other people’s bottoms or submissives or babygirls. Why? Because besides risking getting smack across the head by their Top/Dom/Daddy, you also look like a public ass. And I can guarantee you – word will spread. And those who act like a dick in public, do not get laid or play.
In summary, be decent in public. Set aside your personal feelings about the person and treat everyone as you want you or your partner to be treated. Because if you can’t do that, you’ll make a bed you’ll have to sleep in for a long, LONG time.
<steps off soapbox>