knock knock knock

“What?”

“I got sick again.”

UGH!!

I heard G get up to say something to Indigo, and I sat up myself – then grabbed onto the edge of the bed as the world started spinning.

Fuck.

After he got her settled, I grabbed the empty water glass next on the ledge next to me, “can I have some water please?”

“Are you okay?”, he asked.

I shook my head.

Fuck no. Definitely not ok.

After some water and feeling like the world had stopped allowing me the privilege of feeling it spin, I laid back down, grabbed my bear, and curled up under the comforter in an attempt to find sleep.  I ended up putting in my ear buds and listening to something on my iphone just to distract myself from the way I felt until I finally found sleep.

Sleep was short lived – as I was up and down several more times.  The last time, my head feeling like it was on the verge of exploding.  “G, can you get me some ibuprofen?”, I asked – feeling like if I stood up, my head would explode – and I wanted to save G the need to clean up my brain matter off the walls and suck.  With the drugs and a bit more water, I laid back down and curled up to try to sleep – hoping that it would make my head not explode and stop hurting.

I slept until G kissed me good-bye as he left for the day.  He let me know he was going – let me know he had taken care of things – and told me to stay in bed all day.

While there are times I miss my kids being little, days like today I am reminded why I enjoy them at this age……they can fend for themselves.  They can cook. They know where the food is.  They can take care of the pets.  And, they can run to the little tienda down the street and get me a coke (in an attempt to make my stomach settle down).

And I – I can stay in bed – and not worry about anything more than they are letting the dogs bark too much in the backyard.

The only thing I’m missing is someone to cuddle with me.  While I like my bear, it isn’t the same.  And puppy is, well, a puppy yet.  She’s only willing to cuddle if she can play too. And today is not that day for me.  So, I’m laying in bed – watching the Sherlock Holmes series (BBC version) on my iPad – and wishing I felt better.

For tomorrow – tomorrow I go back to work and make sure all the shit that was supposed to happen through today was done so we can take a country live on 1-January.  Part of me wants to be optimistic and say – Yes, of course it got done – but, well, with me, my good developer and the good analyst all out of the office, I’m a bit more skeptical.  All I can hope for is the best….and that I feel better.

Plus, I have to feel better.  On 2-January, I am committed to starting an exercise program along with 10 other people.  Now that my hip is doing better, I need to start moving again else I will go nutty.  And I was lured into it.

Now forgive me as I hear Annie Savoy’s voice in my head (Susan Sarandon’s character in Bull Durham) saying:

You didn’t get “lured”. Women never get lured. They’re too strong and powerful for that. Now say it — “I didn’t get lured and I will take responsibility for my actions”.

I knew what would happen when I inquired about the group a person at the G’s school ran.  She would “encourage” me to join.  I guess I just want to get to a point where I can start running again – I need to start running again as it is good for my brain when I run.  So this is a good kick in the ass.

Assuming this bug goes away and goes away fast.

I’m a horrible sick person.