Phrases I hate – “but your relationship – it’s easy!”
Why do I hate it?
Because it’s not fucking easy.
You see, just because I make my relationship with G look easy does not mean there is no work behind the scenes. It does not mean there are no compromises. It doesn’t mean there are no fights or disagreements or times where things are rough. It doesn’t mean we haven’t had to lay the core foundations of the relationship.
For example, the first two years G and I were together – we were apart for a year of it. Yes, you read that right – a year of our relationship, we were apart. Between classes overseas, times visiting home, and other things taking us away from each other, we were apart. It was hard and it sucked and we struggled trying to stay connected while physically being apart.
But what made it work?
We wanted it to work.
We felt the relationship was worth it.
And we knew that this too shall pass.
And it did.
We don’t always see eye to eye. There are times when our own shit gets in the way of our relationship. But we want it to work , so we listen more than we talk. We own our own emotions in the situation – we own our frustrations, our anger and our sadness – and we set those aside in the interest to working it through.
Because however a relationship is defined, mono or poly or whatever – if two people want it to work , it WILL work. If people want communication to happen, they will make it happen. If both parties are engaged in wanting it to work, they will do whatever it takes to make it work.
Just because no one sees it publicly – just because we don’t show the times we compromise – the times we give more than we take – the times we listen more than we talk – the times we have to push our own needs aside for their needs. Just because you don’t have front row seats to it, doesn’t mean these things don’t have to happen. They do. We just do them in private – between the two of us.
Relationships are not easy.
None of them are – hell, friendships fall in that same category too. They require work.
Because if the people involved are worth it, you will make it work.
Because if it is better to have them in your life than out of your life, you will make it work.
So you will do what you can to keep them there.
And it isn’t always easy.