A former friend reached out to me a week ago. She apologized for a bunch of shit she did – owned her part of my decision to cut ties. And told me she missed me. After a week and moving through some of my own stresses, I reached back out to her – thanked her, told her I was glad her life seems to be going so very well, and hoped things continued. What started was a dialog. A back and forth – checking in, sharing life, etc. In the end, she asked if we could become friends again on a social media site. Sure, why not. I am not a grudge holder – I believe people are good or try to be. I am the master of giving second, third, hundredth chances.
Clicking that accept button was like starting a countdown clock. When was one of my overly judgemental friends going to make some remark about us “being best buddies” or the like? 36 hours.
I followed the snarky remark with a comment about giving too many chances – pointed out that the person making the comment should know this too – and reminded this person that I am who I am – take me or leave me. “Oh yeah – true” was the simple reply.
It’s funny because this person believes judgemental is what other people are. Yet, each time someone or something happens with someone or something this person doesn’t like – BAM! – judgement gets slung my way. Each and every time. Like clockwork. This person’s self image is on thing. But reality is about 180 degrees from that place. It’s amazing to me how people can get – how people can be – when they have this high self image that is not reality based. Yet, a person like this will believe to be a victim when in actuality, we are all victims of them and their bullshit.
Which segways nicely into my sister-in-law….my dear, dear SIL. My other brother has unfriended her on Facebook after he recapped a profound moment he had – in -9 degree weather with a homeless family. A family with a toddler was out in this weather trying to get money for a place to stay. My brother stopped and talked to them. Found out they were alone – no family – no friends – no one to help them. They were not sure where they were going to stay. And my brother, a guy who has friends who work in the homeless community and knows the challenges of being homeless in that area, did not feel they were bullshitting him. All he saw was a small family with a larger family who wouldn’t help. He saw his own brother and SIL on the corner with their small child – and it broke his heart. So he used his tip money which was supposed to help buy someone a Christmas present – and got them a room out of the cold. He posted how hard it is to see others without anything – needing a hand – and reminded people that this is the weather to help, not judge.
Irony in that last phrase – not judge…..
My SIL started in on him. “Oh, when does kumbaya start?”
Then, “what’s next? stating the obvious? that cancer sucks?”
Then the piece de resistance? “You’re just staying this to impress a girl and get laid – so why do you care about my comments?”
My little brother is a smart ass. He can be cynical and inappropriate – but you can always tell when something has punched him in the heart. And this did. And her response? You’re just saying this to get laid”.
In that instant, my brother unfriended her. It was the last piece he needed. He contemplated a public condemnation of her comment – but instead deleted the “get laid” remark – and deleted her as a friend. While he can be a trickster and a jokester – and would do anything for her and the girls because that’s what family does – the fact she took to such a public forum to claim he is just doing this for attention whoring purposes was the final straw. He hates that it is the path he took – but it was necessary.
My friends on FB even say “what the fuck is her issue” to me privately when she puts something out there that is mean and just a bitchy comment – an unnecessary comment. I don’t know how many of my friends have said that to me – I’ve lost count. I wonder what she is thinking – where her head is at. And I worry about her kids. Her kids – the ones she protects from possibly feeling like they aren’t getting as much love as the other by limiting and editing what people say on posts on FB – are going to see their mom look like a total bitch if her theory is true – that they will be able to see everything said online when they are older.
But ultimately, I feel sorry for my other brother – her husband. I have seen him do spin control online before when she has attacked family. That’s what he gets to deal with at home – a third child called his wife. Mean of me to say? Yes, but sometimes the truth sounds mean.
I had a talk with another friend the other night. She’s going through what may be a nasty divorce. The girlfriend of her husband is involved – and it’s already looking to be a fight. Pro tip for anyone going through a divorce: letting your girlfriend handwrite out your response to the divorce papers will likely not fair well for you – especially when you start texting the wife asking to settle things without attorneys. Yeah, both the wife and the attorney are shaking their heads and don’t trust him without the setting of the court.
But I’m talking to her – and we are talking about energy you put into the world – and how it will manifest itself appropriate at the right time.
“What did I put into the world to get this shit?!!” was her comment.
Boy, do I get her frustration and question.
“Well, I don’t believe you have gotten to the manifest itself point yet. I believe you are still in the middle of the storm – walking through that fire. Who knows what is on the other side – and if it is good or bad! You may get through the next several months and find this wonderful reward for everything. But until you get through this completely, you won’t know.”
I do believe that.
But it still begs my own question in my own matter.
What did I say or do to manifest this?
How did the good I was putting into something turn into pain and hurt for me?
I’m sometimes better at giving advice than I am at looking at the situation as I would have others look at theirs. I get this.
But it still begs the questions.