Cold that is felt in your bones.
Cold that isn’t just from the environment – the weather – but from the way you are feeling.
That is the cold that has been settled in my bones.
That is the cold that no matter what I do – how many blankets – how many fires – nothing can touch it.
After an afternoon with a good friend – and afternoon of talking, sharing, and just letting our vulnerabilities be spoken aloud, we talked about the need for warmth – the need for something other than cold that we are both feeling for several reasons.
“I’m calling the wellness center,” G announced upon hearing us talk, “we are going for a soak.”
In 20 degree weather?
We arrived and shed our layers – shoes, heavy socks, coats, sweatshirts, shirts, pants and undergarments. We went into the shower to rinse off – per the rules – naked and cold as we tried to find the hot water to scrub off the oils and makeup and scents our skin normally wear. To be totally naked before we entered the water.
Outside the doors, the cold took my breath away as I hung up the towel and hurried to the water. Walking into the dark pool, I felt my way to where to sit – not being able to see well due to the dark and the steam. Then I sank my body into the water. I felt my body exhale as the muscles relaxed – and the warmth of the water started penetrating my skin. I sat in the corner – between jets – just breathing. The water moving over my body, I breathed the rhythm I was taught in the tantra class. I closed my eyes, and exhaled the cold and inhaled the warm.
And as I breathed in and out – taking the warmth into my bones, into my soul, I felt warm – warmth for the first time in a while. I felt my body exhale with each breath – settling into the warm. I opened my eyes – looked up at the stars as I listened to the water bubbling around me – and sank further into the warmth.
Water is so healing when in the right setting. And this was it.
And it’s so interesting when the right setting, the right energy, the right time, melts away ice so deep within that you can feel it releasing you from it’s hold.
Tonight was one of those nights.
I need more nights like this.
Melting the cold was what I needed.