Birthday – updated

Today was incredibly rough. I can’t explain now. I’m typing this on my phone. All I can day is 10 yrs has past and nothing has changed. I’m still feeling like the worst thing that could have happened to this family. Sigh.

I wish I had more words than these. I truly do. All I know is that I feel I need a vacation from the bullshit. Instead I miss the things I love for this crap.

Funny how this crap can overshadow this big event.

Basically I got told it is clear DJ gets all of the attention in the house . Facebook posts were cited. My photographs I have shared were cited. Everything – everything was evidence as to why Indigo is clearly not thriving as DJ is.

Then they went on to give other examples they made up based on ‘facts’ they had. Indigo loved piano but clearly we were not as committed to supporting her as we are DJ. Nevermind indigo has shifted instruments 5 times now and she only brings the piano up when she’s around my mother in law who is learning to play the piano.

I pointed out some facts about who Indigo is – her personality traits that send everyone who had taught her and even we her parents into frustration and loss as to how to motivate her, encourage her, etc. I go a nod to that but then my parenting was once again tossed out as to why we would be over this if I had just done this or that.

Every fucking time I am down here for a family get together, I get cornered in the kitchen by my in-laws and some part of my life is taken to task. It’s one thing if it is all about me. Fuck – bring that shit.

It’s another when it is about my kid. About their belief that I am not a good parent and I’m doing her wrong. Just take every fucking fear every parent has and affirm them – speak them – and toss more ‘evidence’ that the fear is right.

Here we are – supposed to be celebrating 100 years of life – as a family – and shit like this gets said.

And when I wanted to get a photo of the multigenerational family – they said to my MIL, get in the photo, you deserve to be in this picture.

I never – ever – expect that to be told the same thing by any of them.

Funny how I can tell myself that my self worth with these people is not on the table for them to decide – yet they seem to be great at dragging it out.

Yep, I’m glad I blew 3 vacation days for this bullshit.

What do you think?

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