Reclaiming My Place

As I wrapped up on vacation, my eyes are forward to another one. The vacation I was supposed to take with SB.  The one I booked at the place we had such a fabulous time together.  The place we both spoke about going back to because we loved it so much.

This is my favorite place.  I remember telling him that when I bought it for our first visit.  A year ago, when I finally had vacation, this is where I went for two days – a vacation alone – but a vacation I loved.  I sat on the deck and enjoyed the ocean.  I walked on the beach and meditated letting the energy of the place wash over me.  This has always been my escape place.

And I shared it with someone I love.

And I get to go back – alone – with the memory of what this trip was supposed to be.  SB and I enjoying my place together again. Instead, I’ll be going alone with the ghost of ended relationships following me.

A few friends have suggested I just write it off as a loss of money – go someplace else where I won’t be sad. The problem is – I planned this to be a weekend of him and me.  I had already taken the time off.  So, being off – being not there but somewhere else – it will all still remind me the change – the loss.

And I feel like I need to reclaim my places for me again.  Because it was my place. It was my place to share. I don’t want what has happened to chance me away from my favorite places.  Right now, I feel that is what has happened – I’m chased away from my favorite events – my favorite people – all because I can’t face it alone right now.  I guess I’m hoping that this will be my turning point – my point where I feel I can start reclaiming my places again – my spaces.  Because even though there are times when I feel the pain as though no time has passed, I cannot hide from it either.

So all I can do is take a deep breath and do it.

What do you think?