Mom’s surgery was good. To be all gross about it, they removed an abscess almost the size of a cell phone from my colon. Yeah, that’ll cause a major infection.
Mom swears like a sailor post-op. Usually it takes a lot of goading to make her swear like a sailor. Who knew it just required an anesthesiologist.
Morphine makes my mom angry. Holy crap does it make my mom angry. We actually laughed our asses off at her. And apologized to nurses who explained that they weren’t offended but happy to see it because it meant they would be fine.
The ICU nurses are special people. And I don’t mean this sarcastically. The crap they put up with from stressed out families is amazing. While sitting with Mom yesterday, we got an update on all of the drama around us. The family demanding the nurses provide meds and all to their dying father even though the doctor has not authorized it. The lady next to us who OD’d on some drug and was causing so many issues that the nurses and doctors finally sent to her another facility. At one point every nurse in the ICU was in that room helping with something. My mom needed something and felt bad calling the nurse for something she needed. The nurse thanked her for worrying but assured her that there were more than enough people helping that lady – she gets to get help too. Then the night nurse who, while doing all of the checking of wounds, vitals, etc, sang Amazing Grace to my mom. He was awesome in terms of his attitude and all. My mom hated him because he wasn’t riled up by anything – but then would praise his patience. Yay, morphine!
My brothers are nervous as cats in a room full of rocking chairs. Holy fuck. I wanted to smack them both. My dad and I talked about that at lunch. I commented that while I hate it too, I’m not there for me but for her. Freak out about the three drains, two bags coming out of her tummy, the novocain pump, and the 3 IVs later. Does that freak me out – fuck yes. Will I let my mom see my discomfort. FUCK NO. Dad chuckled when I said that and said he was the same way. Be in the moment – freak out about the what-ifs later.
My dog is a good cuddle partner, but horrible covers hog. She’s been sleeping with me while I’m here. And, well, she’s almost as bad as a cat. But she is very sweet and thankful she can sleep with me. While a cat is more like, of course, I get to sleep in the bed – I’m the queen!
Watching game 1 of the World Series with my brother who didn’t play ball is entertaining. While he played enough to know the basics, he quit when he was in elementary school yet. Dad would toss out the question about what should have happened – and I’d fire back the response while he was asking why. I’ll admit, we watched a couple of innings and knew the Red Sox had game 1. Didn’t need to watch the rest.
Giving my mom tips on processing pain is entertaining especially when I think about where I got them from. She was dealing with pain as she was laying back down last night – and she was holding her breath among other bad pain processing methods that just make it hurt worse. “Mom will you breath through the pain instead of holding your breath, please.” She would claim she was breathing until I pointed out her face was red from holding her breath. A few times, her body language told me she was in pain – so I’d call her on it. She would shoot me this look like “how did you know”. “Because I’m kinky – and you learn these things” was almost what I replied. Instead, I told her to shut up and breath – and stop trying to be a hero, push her damn button if she’s in pain.
My mom makes passes at my dad when she’s high on morphine . “I can’t wait until I go home, so I get my sexy nurse.” and “I wonder how I got that stuff into my mouth? Must be when I french kissed your father.” and “We like to have fun in bed yet – it’s no accident we had three kids.” To which I replied – I know, Mom, you have made these points quite clear over the years.” The look I got from my dad was priceless.
Shutting my mom up is as easy as threatening to take a photo of her and posting it on Facebook. Though, when she gets her voice back, she does threaten to call the nurse to have you thrown out.
I should mention that my mom is never this assertive…..so it’s not something that pisses us off but makes us laugh.
Our family probably laughs the most in the ICU of any family they have seen. When a nurse took her extra pillow away, she said “don’t take my laughing pillow away – I need it for when they make me laugh.”