Too much

Today is a day where I’m feeling too much.  The numb has worn off – and I am just in my own head and my feelings are boiling over.

I dreamed about him last night  – two different dreams.  Two different times during the night where I vividly recall being with him – kissing him – touching him – hugging him.  I kept waking up throughout the night. In the end, it was another night of very little sleep.  I’m starting to just embrace insomnia.

I don’t think it helped that yesterday, each and every time I turned around, something smacked me in the face with a memory of him.  I went to the store, for example, and noticed they had changed out the wine featured. I went to look expecting their usual pinot noir only to find it was a malbec – his favorite.  Or when I was driving home, I went by the place I had planned on taking him for his birthday dinner – then got stuck in traffic there for too long.  It seemed to go on and on and on.

I guess it’s no wonder I dreamed about him.

I just want this to pass – I really do.  But today, not matter what I do – how I do it – it seems to smack me in the head.

I’m sad.

I’m missing him.

I’m feeling broken.

I just want a mute button for my emotions and my feelings.

What do you think?