I will miss his energy.

I will miss his kisses.

I will miss the bites on my neck.

I will miss his humor.

I will miss calling him Daddy.

I will miss hearing him call me Baby.

I will miss being curled up with him in bed.

I will miss hearing him voice as he is in awe of how I am dressed.

I will miss our mornings after a night together.

I will miss the stripes on my thighs.

I will miss that whippy bitch of a cane he has.

I will miss his stories.

I will miss his touches.

I will miss his pinches.

I will miss the intimacy we shared.

I will miss him so very much.

My heart hurts and is numb at the same time.

I am reminding myself to breathe as I go through my day.

I don’t care about anything else –  I care that I created him such pain that he left me.

I care that he felt like he needed to save himself from me.

I hate that I am poly.

I hate what that meant to him.

I hate that I caused him pain.

I hate that I shared my special places with him as it means I will spend my time there longing for him – crying for him.

I hate crying.

I hate feeling this way.

I cannot do this again.

I have given him so much of myself – more than anyone else except G.

I don’t feel like I will recover from this one.

I feel the walls go up over my heart – over my soul.

I am done.

I will miss it all.

It’s going to take a long time for me to get to a point where I don’t hurt – where I don’t cry.

Because I will miss him with my heart and soul.

Despite that he has hurt me.

Fuck.