An Honest Assessment

I’ll be honest.

When things get back to me – things people say – things people say that are assumptions, projections, speculations, and accusation – things that are spoken as truth not in the form of a question – it pisses me off.

Okay, for some that may be stating the obvious, but for me because I don’t allow many people close to me – someone making all of these things without validation or confirmation – I feel pissed because I feel betrayed.

While it may seem like I share a lot on this blog, there are certain things I do not share.  I do not talk about disagreements I have with people. I don’t talk about fights I have with G (when we ever have them).  I don’t talk about things told to me in confidence.  I don’t talk about certain things that are special to me – that are too intimate.  I don’t talk about a lot.

Yet sometimes, people try to read between lines that aren’t there.  People try to draw conclusions based on their own view of how the world works – or what things would interpret as in their world.  Yet, that’s not me.  That’s not necessarily my life.

Life isn’t perfect. Life isn’t all roses all of the time.

But here is the deal. Mine is pretty fucking good.

I have a family who loves me – who makes me laugh – who I have great conversations with – who I have great relationships with. I love them so very much. My kids love me openly as much as I love them.

And I thank G for it. I thank him for the life we have built together because he was part of building it. We are partners. We are best friends. We are parents who think the same way.  It is no accident we have been together for almost 22 years – married for 18.

Do we all have our moments? Yes. But there is nothing I “let” him do. I support him doing it.  And sometimes, like happens in most lives, he decides to do something that conflicts with our resources or our time.  And that creates a bump – a pebble in the road we trip over.  But that’s all it ever is – a pebble.  At the end of the day, we take care of each other.  We give and do what the other won’t do for themselves – and we support the crazy even if, at first, the crazy isn’t something we are happy about.  We love each other.

And beside G, I have a wonderfully bad Daddy – SB.  I know him – and he knows me.  We have great kinky times together, but we are also very good friends.  We are good for each other because we are very like minded.  We joke, we talk, we tell tales, and we curl up and love each other.   It isn’t an accident we have made it almost a year – wow, SB, do you realize we are hitting close to a year? Would never have guessed as it feels challenging, but effortless in many ways.  And like with G, SB and I take care of each other.  We worry about each other. We  check in on each other. And we care about each other equally.  And we love each other.

I have Derek back in my life full-time – and it’s wonderful- it’s fabulous – and it’s what has been missing. A good friend who gives as much as he gives.  He is part of the family.  And it’s awesome. And I love him.

Is my job stressful? Yes.

Is my volunteer stuff stressful? Yes.

Have I had to inadvertently sacrifice some things i love because of it? Yes.

Am I trying to fix it? Fuck yes.

But you know what?

I wouldn’t fucking trade my life right now for anything. I am truly happy. I smile like a goon most days even in meetings where I want to kill someone. Why? I’m getting amazing support from the men in my life – G (my love) and SB (my other love).  I have two girls who are amazing and who have no issues with telling me how much they love me as much as I tell them.  I’m a fucking lucky girl.

And if anyone has a question if I realize that I have a great life, they should know – I do.

And mind their own fucking business.

Because my world is fine.

And it’s always better to ask versus assume.

Because assuming just makes you look like an ass.

What do you think?

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