note: I have been dealing with a shit load of passive aggressive behavior lately from someone in the community. This is my way of venting my frustrations about the situation without getting into what has happened. I think you, my dear readers, are smart enough you can fill in enough blanks. Regardless, this is my scream into the ethernet. thank you for listening.
Even if I consider you a friend and you call me one, I retain the right to have an opinion about a topic. I reserve the right to suggest that maybe your issues are above my friend skillset – and may do something radical like suggest you find professional help. Hell, I may even help you find it if you need it.
To be a friend is not to get dumped on constantly. It is not to agree to hear 6-10 hrs a day to your problems. The same problems – the same problems that don’t seem to be getting better with time – but worse. And to be your friend is to suggest the hard thing – it comes not from a place of annoyance but one of love.
I warn because I care about people in my life. If you ask for advice – want a solution – I’m not shy with making suggestions. But, if you are looking for someone to enable you – to coddle you for long periods of time – to not tell you the truth – then I am not the person with which to form a friendship.
See, I don’t expect you to take everything I say as gospel. I won’t hold you hostage by saying “if you don’t do this, then you can’t be my friend.” But I may say – in those rare cases where life has tackled you and you don’t feel you can get up with the help of those around you to seek help from someone more skilled than I am. I may say it not because I don’t want to be friends but because I truly care – truly want to see you get your life back – truly want to see you happy.
And If I follow it with “I can’t be that ear anymore” – it is not because I hate you. Or because I am trying to make you do something you don’t want to do. It is because I can’t help you. See, I feel for my friends – it affects me when someone I care about is drowning and I can’t help. And I may have to take a step back – to take care of me – to get myself to a good place again – one that can allow me to be a good friend.
You can respect that boundary – or you can read into it.
That is your choice.
But one thing I won’t do is let anyone to compromise my self-care by trying to put themselves above me in the situation. Show me the respect I am showing you by respecting me back.