I recall a classmate of G’s when he was in grad school talking about the awe she felt when she visited her home country in Asia – specifically about the women. She had been adopted by a family in the US as an infant, but raised to know the culture and people and language of her people.
She had visited the country many times. But as an adult, she realized one thing – the women in her culture, when they hit a certain age, go from keeping things close to the chest – their opinions, details about their life, etc – to letting it all be known. It was like they found their voices, she explained, like they decided they were done keeping it all in – so now they were a force to be reckoned with. She found it incredible. To see these women who 5-10 years earlier were quiet and meek, now telling people what they really think – and how things really were. She chuckled at how the stereotype even she was starting to believe about women in this culture was tossed out the window. She loved how liberated they were.
I am finding the older I get, the less I’m apt to hold back who I am to people. Whereas before, I would have been careful to keep my worlds from colliding, now I am more focused on where I need to keep such things from certain people. Instead of it being an all or nothing situation, I am looking at the person and determining if they are ready to know something about me.
Like that I’m poly.
Case in point: I told my youngest brother last night. He called me out of the blue as I was editing some erotic photos I had taken. I had been chuckling as I was reviewing them. So he asked me what I was doing after all the usual formalities were out of the way. So I explained. I had an idea after attending SEAF last year – explained what SEAF was – then the idea. “And I took those photos on Saturday so I can submit them.”
His response was “I wanna see!!!”
I made a comment that I’m sure his big sister just shocked him a bit. “Nah,” he said, “bet you can’t do it.”
Something you should never say in my family.
So I told him about leading the gallery at the local sex club. He thought that was awesome. He told me about the guy he was seeing for two years. I told him I was glad I wasn’t the only bisexual one in the family. He laughed and said that was awesome, but pointed out that I had yet to shock him.
“Fine, are you familiar with polyamory?”
We had a good discussion about it. He said that that sort of relationship made the most sense to him. We discussed boyfriends and girlfriends.
“You know,” he said, “I believe, at the end of the day, that the healthiest people know who they are, embrace that positive energy, and live the life that makes the most sense to them.”
I’d joke it is out of the mouths of babes, but he isn’t that young anymore when he says things like this.
Then he quickly pointed out that I still haven’t shocked him. “Oh, I have things that could shock you – but we’ll save that for another day.”
I doubt my brother feels like the freak he may have felt like before that call. What are big sisters for.