Reflections

Someone in our local kink community passed away a few days ago.  And while I did not know him extremely well, I recall some time we spent at an event about a year ago, I think.

I met him – and we ended up together, alone, in a room off the main play area.  We were both volunteering, and we started talking.

It was one of those conversations you remember.  We talked about relationships.  And we talked about pain and hurt.  And I recall he said to me out of the blue, “you will survive – you will be stronger – you will move on.”  It was one of those times when the words of someone just hit you right in the chest.  They mean something.  A friend once said they are words that find you at the right moment.

We continued talking – he said good-bye as he was tired and leaving.  And later, we became friends on Fetlife.  I remember writing him before requesting his friendship online.  I thanked him for his words. I explained they were exactly what I needed at that time.  His reply was modest – he looked forward to get to know me.  And sadly, most of our passing was only online after that.

I guess I look back at that situation – and at the present one – and I am thankful I told him what his words meant to me.  So many times in life, time flies by us.  People give us something – time, energy, words – and we forget to tell them what it means.  We mean to – we feel it – but we just lose track of doing it.

I look back on my life, and I haven’t always done that.  I haven’t always told people what I feel – I have felt it, felt odd about saying it aloud, and meant to do it.  A friend of mine growing up meant something to me.  I recall the day I went looking for him – looking to reconnect – and found he was gone.  He had struggled with depression – and committed suicide.  I always wished I had told him.

I know it makes some people feel uncomfortable. I used to worry about it.  But now, I don’t care.  If I love them, I tell them.  If I miss them, I tell them. If I am happy to get their time, I thank them for it. If I see them and realize how much I had missed their company, I tell them.  If they do something for me, I thank them.  And if they say something that makes my heart perk up and listen, I say something.

Life is too fucking short.  People can go before they know what they meant to you.  And sometimes, your words help.  Your words are the difference between a good day and a bad.  Your actions can be exactly what they need.  People hide a lot.  Don’t assume they don’t need to hear it.  Say it – don’t look back with regret and wish you could say it.  Mend fences.  Say it.  Forgive.  Life it too short to let things fester.  Put your energies to good use.  Keep your karma clean.

Cause you never know when they will be gone.

What do you think?