I try not to think about it.  The fact he’s going to be gone soon.  A year after he and I connected at a new year’s eve party, he is going to be retiring from his federal job and off to sunnier places.

His wonderful wife has got health problems – problems that came upon her quickly and are worsened by the weather.  So the need to get away from the rain is a necessary one.

It’s funny how many times we would talk at various parties.  We would chat about this and that.  He would give me glimpses of what it would be like to be his.  And I would just keep coming back – intrigued by that dirty mind – by the fact he seemed to be hiding his true sadistic self.

What I have learned this past year is that he does jus that.  A much more deranged Sadist hides underneath his happy-go-lucky exterior.  He likes to beat me, but you can see him holding back.  The first time we fucked, he tested the waters of anal – tested it until I begged me to fuck my ass.  And boy did he fuck me hard – no lube – just my wetness and his insistence that I take him like a ‘good girl’.

Good girl has evolved into sexy slut, dirty whore, sweet cunt, naughty slut, fucking whore, sexy bitch, and various combinations of the words.  All things I never thought would make me melt, but put me at his mercy each time he uses them.

He is naturally dominate – and I am not naturally submissive – yet he brings out my desire to submit.  I have never wanted to sit at someone’s feet before – but he makes me want to do it.  The idea of doing what I’m told – and being rewarded by pain or pleasure or both is appealing.  I’m his.  I like that.

I think that’s why its sad to see the end coming so quickly.  I’m not ready for the exploration to end.  Just the other night, I dreamed about needles.  I have never wanted needles – never saw the appeal.  But here I am dreaming about them – dreaming how amazing they felt.  Dreaming how great it was.  I want him to do it.  What a 180.

Just like I wrote about on Sunday – about G and me growing together. I have discovered that the greatest playmates I have are those I can grow with.  Those that help me discover who I am – and love the journey themselves.  Each person I have played with for a long period of time have helped me find that about myself.  And he is no different. I think that’s why I don’t want it to end. I want more dirty times with him.

G promises a plane ticket if I want it.  I know my playmate isn’t averse to travel.  Just sucks that there can be no spontaneity.  I guess I will have to get it in while I can.

The other day when I was having a bad day, he knew exactly what to say to make me feel better.  The scene he painted via text was exactly what I wanted.  I almost wanted to cry, he nailed it so perfect.  “You know I’m here for you anytime you need me, right. You’d better know.”  I told him I did.  “Because I adore you.  You are special to me.”

He is special to me too.

Just sucks to have this end so soon…..I’m not ready.