I am trying to read 50 Shades of Grey. When it first was out, G got me an electronic copy of it. I was in the middle of other books, so it sat undownloaded to my Kindle app. And then it gained popularity to a point where I could not ignore it.
So I downloaded it – and started reading it.
Or trying to read it.
I am kinky. I’ve been kinky for a long time – and knew I was kinky much longer than I was able to articulate it.
This book is driving me nutty. Let me give you a few reasons why:
1. She is a virgin, gets deflowered, then immediately jumps into kink. While yes, this could happen, I have a difficult time seeing someone without one kinky fantasy doing that. Call me a skeptic.
2. He has no idea of her sexual history – yet plops down a contract as a way of saying “I want to have sex and beat you.” While communication in any form is good, if you can’t talk about it, you shouldn’t be doing it – in my opinion.
3. He has been into kink since he was 15 when the friend of his mom makes him her slave. Uhm….that’s called sexual abuse – not kink.
4. He isolates her. She has to sign a non-disclosure whereby she is legally obligated to not share the details of their sex life or of kink with anyone. When she says she needs someone to talk with, he offers her his former abuser, I mean Mistress’s, slaves. Isolation in kink spell unhealthy which screams BAD.
5. She wants a relationship. He wants a fuck toy. Of course this can work – what could go wrong? I’m sorry – but this sort of mismatch in a kink situation would result in either no play or high drama. In this case, he breaks rules for her. Yep, seems to be on the drama path to me.
6. He doesn’t believe she has a submissive bone in her body – yet is going to make her into his submissive. She doesn’t believe she does either – yet she’ll give it a 3 month go to see if she can do it. I know some people who are switches. Some people who are tops who’d like to try to bottom. But they usually come from a standpoint of kink – of knowing what that means. It would be one thing for her to say yes to exploration – but is another to jump headlong into a situation she knows nothing about.
7. If her inner goddess dances or sings one more time as an expression of her feeling horny or turned on at the thought of an act or the act itself, I am going to scream. Or maybe I should make it into a drinking game. Hmm….maybe I’m looking at this bad metaphor incorrectly.
8. The material good aspect. He gives her clothes, a car, a trainer, a place to live…..all aspects are controlled. While a submissive or slave relationship may have these elements, it is scary for a new relationship.
I’ll stop here because I haven’t finished the book. SO, if you read it, aren’t in to a kink community, what should you know:
1. Consent is key as is communication. They go hand in hand. If the person interested ins’t articulating it from the get go – run. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Run away. This is not normal. This is not good. This is predatory behavior – and not the good kind.
2. If you don’t know kink, don’t feel pressured into it. If you wonder what it is about, join Fetlife and find local event to teach you about it. One person should NEVER be your source of knowledge. Your local community is full of knowledge. Find it and learn. Find out what you like. Find out what you don’t like. Never make someone make you feel like their way of kink is the only way – no matter how hot they are.
3. Isolation is a warning sign. RED. Stop. Do not go further with this person. Danger is not good.
4. Know yourself. I find a lot of kinky youngsters in the scene. And while some of them are self aware, many are not. GO learn about yourself. Go figure yourself out. Go have sex. Go figure out how to navigate that world – then find your kink. Self aware is sexy. Not knowing is dangerous. Make sure you know you.
5. Communicate. If you don’t know, say you don’t know. Draw boundaries. Don’t be afraid. Submissives and bottoms have the control. Learn that and don’t forget it. We set the boundaries and the pace. That is something the book does a bad job of showing. Kinky bottoms and subs know that – and exercise it. Communicate it. Don’t be afraid. And if you are afraid, use it at the sign to back away.
So those are my thoughts so far.
We’ll see if I can actually finish the book.
If I can, I hope my inner literary goddess does not try to kill me in my sleep.