As his hands touched my body, the tears slid down my face.

I hid them.

I kept my voice steady.

I tried to laugh.

I tried snark.

But as I did it, the tears flowed slowly.

It was too intimate.

It was too soon.

It was too much of what I missed – the emotion with the pain.

The intimacy.

The man.

I made it through.

I even pushed things a bit more.  Verbally teasing – and all.

But when it ended, I had a hard time holding it together.

I went to someone else when it was done.

My ability to hold it together was frail.

I knew it.

So I got it together.

Got back into what was happen

Until it all finished off.

And rode the rest of my high

As I allowed the rest of what I was feeling to flow through me too.

I have no regrets.

I never will.

And my feelings as I’ve come to accept

Will never change.

And I have decided, that does not weaken me but strengthens me.