As his hands touched my body, the tears slid down my face.
I hid them.
I kept my voice steady.
I tried to laugh.
I tried snark.
But as I did it, the tears flowed slowly.
It was too intimate.
It was too soon.
It was too much of what I missed – the emotion with the pain.
I made it through.
I even pushed things a bit more. Verbally teasing – and all.
But when it ended, I had a hard time holding it together.
I went to someone else when it was done.
My ability to hold it together was frail.
I knew it.
So I got it together.
Got back into what was happen
Until it all finished off.
And rode the rest of my high
As I allowed the rest of what I was feeling to flow through me too.
I have no regrets.
I never will.
And my feelings as I’ve come to accept
Will never change.
And I have decided, that does not weaken me but strengthens me.