Doubts

on
There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.
~Buddha

This quotation is one I needed right now.  I go through these periods of doubts where I wonder: “what the fuck am I doing??” 

I wish I could say that these doubts are confined to one area of my life, but they never are.  They spread like fast growing ivy from one part of my life to another – entangling it – choking the life out of me just as ivy would do to a tree.

I start second guessing everything. I start wondering what I am doing right. I start wondering about relationship – friendships, romantic, whatever.  I start questioning my ability to do my job or even if this job was the right decision. I start wondering if I am doing the right things as a parent. I start looking at everything as the doubts bound me to the point where I cannot move.

I used to believe that minor doubts kept you honest.  Wonder about a relationship, for example, and maybe it is your subconscious’s way of saying “you need to spend more time there before it implodes”. 

But now I realize it is a factor that does not bring people together or make sure things get fixed or stay firm, but it is something that separates.  That makes mountains out of molehills.  That eats away at the doubter in a destructive way.

It has been hard to grab the sword lately and cut away these doubts. I don’t know if its the weather or the stress or what – but I feel like I need help – need help peeling it away – help making sure that it doesn’t choke me. 

And while it tries to surround me, I’ll do my best to keep it at bay. ‘Tis all I can do.

3 Comments Add yours

  1. All Doubts, start from the self. Believe in you and even when things go wrong, you are still stable…you are the anchor..there is no toppling you….

    …and you will find that doubt, really will not be a factor in your world.

  2. Bob says:

    You’re overthinking life. Really. It seems that way to me. Stop thinking so much. Relax. Just go with it. Don’t worry, just be happy. . . and you’ll be a whole lot happier..

  3. Harry Bowles says:

    You need to write down everything that youre doubting right now, read them over, and then in your best Jersey Shore accent scream, “Get the fuck outta here!”

    Burn the piece of paper, and then get yourself some ice cream.

What do you think?