I had a date.
A real date.
A movie date with popcorn and doors opened for me.
It was sweet.
The minute his hand landed on my knee, I felt that familiar stir in my loins.
I felt a comfort.
I felt the urge to curl up with my head on his shoulder.
I felt safe.
And while I love the start of relationships. That excitement and anticipation – I also fear it.
Because I’m cracked.
And while I can hold water, I am, rightfully so, afraid of liking and wanting too much.
I’m afraid of making another mistake –
– a mistake of trusting someone with my heart only be disappointed.
Pain is something I crave physically,
But I can no longer handle mentally and emotionally.
I am cracked.
I need to mend.
But I fear I never will.