I’m watching a lot of self-destruction happening lately in relationship that are open relationships. So I figured why not make a list of what I’m seeing. If you recognize yourself in this list and you are “open”, you may want to reconsider.
1. Lie. Simple enough. Don’t be honest about what you are doing. Omit facts because, well, that’s not really lying, is it? Lie to your partner. Lie to playmates. Who needs the truth if you are getting what you want.
2. Do it for the wrong reasons. Just like having a child will fix your relationship woes, so will having an open relationship. So, if things aren’t working, you should open things up. Bring others into it, but more importantly, breed insecurity into the existing relationship. If the foundation is cracked, why not use other relationships to fill those cracks. What’s the worst that could happen?
3. Don’t communicate. Accuse when expressing your ideas. Listen with a closed mind. Don’t discuss your problems because they won’t get heard that way. Plus, it’s really their fault you are feeling that way, not your fault. Louder is better. Not acknowledging how the other feels means they aren’t really feeling it, right?
4. Make sure your primary partner knows you can get what you really need elsewhere. When frustrated, use this as an argument to get their attention. It won’t breed animosity or resentment. It will simply make them understand how they need to improve to get your attention. That’s really what it’s about – getting what you need.
which leads nicely into….
5. Be selfish. Being open means getting what you want, when you want it. It means you don’t have to apologize or compromise. It means others should change what they need for you because it is all about what you need or want.
6. Say one thing, but mean another. Using this tactic will allow you to never be wrong. Your partner is wrong. The playmate or secondary is wrong. They should anticipate your needs better. They should have known when you said you didn’t want to know that meant only every third Tuesday in months with five Tuesdays.
7. Air your dirty laundry. Ask for advice publicly or, better yet, vent about it online. Because nothing brings new partners to you faster than if they feel sorry for what you are putting up with at home. And, your partner will also appreciate the public flogging.
8. Add new rules for your partner as they suit you. Because they need boundaries, not you. Plus, do it under the guise of you needing more security in the relationship, but make sure they only apply to them.
9. Make sure you put every possible event or possible date on the shared calendar first. Plan ahead. Claim it is because you are just planning ahead. I mean, making sure you get the time out you need first and foremost is important. Plus, your partner needs more time with the kids.
10. Don’t trust your partner. Assume the worst and don’t trust they will do the right thing. I mean, new partner could corrupt them – they could start thinking with their cocks or vaginas versus their brains. It is in their best interest that you question them and their motives. So do it – for their own good.
Look, being open is not always easy. But, if the foundation is strong, you won’t have to worry that you can’t get through the bumps. If you keep encountering the same issues, take a step back and re-examine things. Filling a hole in ones life with a new partner is problematic. The new partner or new experience should be like that greenhouse you always wanted – a nice to have, not a need to have. If it is a need-to-have, then there may be a problem. Even if you are polyamorous.
Don’t be the people I’ve described above as you give all of us that can handle open relationships a bad name. I mean, we already had Newt making us look like we are just cheater trying to look better.
Don’t be Newt.
And don’t be a dick.
4 Comments Add yours
I love this post. So many people in “open” relationships need to read this BEFORE they introduce a new partner(s).
You know what the problem is Emmy? Not enough people take the advice of people like you and I 🙂
Heh.. “Don’t be Newt, don’t be a dick..” Thought those were synonyms?