Friend: What’s going on? You’ve been sick but I’m wondering now if its manifesting from something else…hmmmm?
Me: Sick of competing. Sick of not having a problem with others getting the support they need, but not getting the same support when I need it. Sick of being old to be squeaky to get what I need instead of getting it because people see I need it. Just want to feel like I’m worthy of it again instead of having to ask if I’m worth it. And noticing a true pattern. Those guys I get close to and who I let in never deem me worthy of keeping. It’s like I’m destined to have superficial relationships. Cause: I’m sick and alone. A stark contrast of what others have gotten when in the same situation.
Friend: The pattern is there You’re not imagining it. But don’t change you. Your strength is intoxicating and scary to them. Plus, boys are idiots. I think that has been proven.
Me: We have. Just feel like I did when I was 17. Wondering why I’m every boys fucking friend.
Friend: Because you and I are not normal girls. We actually are who we say we are. We never learned to play the games, nor were we interested in learning them.
Me: Very true. Why can’t the guys appreciate that instead of putting us behind the game players?
Friend: It’s attractive to them to have girls beg for them. We don’t be well.
Me: No because we know we are worth it. We are chased and not chasing.
Friend: There are special ones out there. You have had it. I have had it.
Me: But I can’t help but believe that I had it because he didn’t know me – he knew the kinks and that was it.
Friend: I think he was just that kind of man.
Me: Maybe. May have been the relationship too. He liked taking care of me. Very Daddy in that sense. Like I said, I miss that time. No BS, just knew how to make a girl feel special.
Friend: You are special.
Me: Thank you! I guess I need to hear and feel that at times.
Friend: Yeah, but you need it from THEM …. dummies.
