I swing when I feel hurt. I verbally want to get the person back. I don’t recall the exact point in which I finally realized that doing that only hurt me. It hurt the person I was trying to be. I hurt people’s image of who I was trying to be by creating such a stark contradiction that they would stay away from me. I drew drama to me – not because I am good at offering shelter, but I unwittingly fed into it. I have been grateful to have people arrive in my life that taught me this lesson – that got me to see the light. That if I want positive energy, I can’t do what I had been doing. I can’t feed the negative. I’m not perfect. I’m far from it. But I love the people around me enough to not hurt them – I shut my mouth, I walk away – I write, I run, I bike, I hit a punching bag – and I hold strong to the knowledge that if I hurt back, I only hurt me. This – as you can tell – spoke to me.
While health is important, while having a good self image is important – never let that number be more important than you. Never let your world revolve around the scale. Because you are more important than that.
Patterns in life are there for a reason. They are there to until you break them. And the only way you break them is by passing the test. By being strong enough to figure out why it keeps happening. Why you are going in circles. Once you get the answer right, it will go away. For me, I found my brain will give me the same exact dream over and over and over again. It gets so bad that I will actually realize in the middle of it that it IS the same dream. Until I figure out my conscious problem that has me trapped, that dream will never change and end.