The Holy Grail of Sorts

on
The elusive search for it.  
Trying to figure out the how and the what.  And deep searching outside of you for something that can only be found within.
Ironic, isn’t it?
That the thing we seek is with us all the time – and not an external destination.
Hubman wrote something this week where this line stood out for me:
“my happiness will not depend on others anymore.”
What a powerful statement.
I am guilty of it myself – sometimes looking at others or circumstances or my job to bring me the happiness I desire.  In the end, when I am happy with me is when I feel truly happy.  
Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy the company of others. I enjoy my job. I enjoy my family and my husband.  But they cannot make me happy.  Only I have that ability.
And that ability comes from me making things happen for me.  It comes from understanding what I can and cannot control or what I should not even try to control.  And people – people are the factor I will not even try to control because I can’t.  They are their own people. I must trust that what I get from them is a result of them trying to achieve their own goals – to overcome their own things – to find that inner happy.
And while I will not be friends with someone who is being ruthless – someone who is leaving a line of bodies behind him/her in his/her wake, it is my choice who I let into my life, so for those people I choose to walk away from them – to exclude them.
I realize that what I want isn’t always what I get.  Whatever your spirituality, I believe the universe gives you what you need at the moment.  Just the other day, I kept getting caught in situations where my only choice was to be patient.  I got caught at a bridge lift. I got caught waiting for a train.  I got caught waiting for things totally and completely outside of my control.  And all I could do was wait.  There was no point in being unhappy – because it was outside of what I could control.  All I could do is react by waiting.  
All this past week, I had been fretting and unhappy at the future.  At the possibilities of things to come.  And my frustration is around not being able to control them.  I haven’t felt patient. I haven’t felt happy. I have been trying to figure out what I can control without self destructing.  In the end all I can do is be patient and have faith that like the train or the boat passing under the bridge, that this too shall pass.  
Funny how much peace that realization can bring. 
When I am the happiest, it is when I am the happiest with myself. It is when I am accepting what life is bringing me – and reacting in a way that gives me peace.  It is when I ride the wave versus fight against it.  And if there is something I truly want, I negotiate it knowing that maybe right now is not the time I can get it. 
Because in the end, the only thing we control is our reaction to situations.  We can choose to laugh or cry, we can choose to be angry or accepting, we can choose to be happy or not happy.  And it is our own choices that help us find happy more than anything or anyone else can.

And I know when I look at it all this way, I can truly say that “life is good”.

4 Comments Add yours

  1. Joker_SATX says:

    This is a good post. I have much to think about now. Thanks Emme…

  2. Just me... says:

    Happiness has been a topic at our house lately.. DD had great grades this year and thinks this will make her father happy and then he’ll want to see her. (For this reason alone, if he exp loded into a ball of flames, I couldn’t work up any pity for him.) I’ve tried to explain to her that no one can make you happy, you have to make youself happy. And that no matter what anyone does, he can’t be happy until he decides to be. And until he does that, he won’t be..
    So, I’m stealing your post (amending it a little) and printing it out for her.. Thanks…

  3. Max says:

    Beautiful post. Many lovely and wise thoughts here. It’s liberating to realize that we’re responsible for our own happiness, and that it doesn’t depend on anyone or any set of circumstances. It’s our own choice.

    Happy Friday. 🙂

  4. Hubman says:

    I’m sorry to hear that the future has been causing you some stress lately, I can identify with that.

    But I’m glad that my post (which I stole from elsewhere, that wasn’t my own creative writing!) meant a little something to you

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