“Speak it into existence.”
It’s one of my dad’s phrases. It’s one he uses quite a bit in fact.
It is the only phrase I have never been able to grasp.
I have always been the pessimist. If I don’t speak it, I can’t want it that bad, right? And then, I won’t be too disappointed if I don’t get it. It’s the hope anyway.
But here’s the rub. I am disappointed if I don’t get it. I’m disappointed if things don’t go the way I want. I’m disappointed that I even have to say it. Stupid logic, I know – but it is what ends up happening each time.
Over the weekend, as G and I spoke about some things I had been thinking about, he asked, “what do you want? To quote your dad, speak them into existence for once.”
I gave him some bullshit logic. I know myself enough to know it was bullshit. Saying it out loud was like giving myself permission to hope. And if I hope, then I’ll be even that more disappointed when it doesn’t happen. Again, bullshit logic.
So, what do I want.
- To stop feeling pulled between friends who disagree.
- To feel wanted. To feel like people don’t just think about me, but actually take action to turn those words into meaning. No more talking about it – doing something.
- Friends who don’t just fit me into their schedule.
- Friends who are also playmates to figure out how to go between the two roles without awkwardness or leaving me wondering “WTF” sometimes.
- To not feel hidden away. Feeling hidden makes me feel like a backup plan and not sought after as words may indicate.
- To not have people make decisions for me – but actually ask the question instead of assuming the answer.
- To have guys ask if I need help before they seek to rescue this “girl”. I don’t need saving; I just might need a hand. And don’t give me the bullshit line about “that’s how guys are” because using the line “that’s how girls are” never works. Why should it work with you?
- To be considered as the person I am. Not to have action taken because I’m a girl or because others are like that. I want people to know me and react accordingly. Not cause me to react back before they realize who they are dealing with.
That’s what I want.
There. I’ve said it out loud.
Now to see if it actually comes into existence.
11 Comments Add yours
Every word ‘spoken’ is as if I said it. I don’t think it is much to ask for.
Damn, sometimes I hate it when my parents can be right….lol
Have a great day
I am a pessimist too and hate those sayings like “speak it into existence” and “think positive” so you let me know how this works out for you. If it works for you then it may for me too.
Initially, I was thinking about how these wants might be complicated by your gender and career and lifestyle choices. But then I thought, all you’re really asking for is to be loved, and valued, and respected. I think that’s all ANYBODY really wants, regardless of gender, career, or lifestyle.
I think some of the particular details may be informed by those things, but not fundamentally altered.
As for ‘speaking them into existance’. The devil’s always in the details. Saying I need love, honor, and respect is too vague. Listing out what that means to you has to be done, even if it’s only internally. And even if it doesn’t change the way a single person acts towards you, the act of knowing exactly what you need and expect from people can change who and how you let people into your life. And that can, ‘speak it into existance’ right?
I am putting the good vibes in for ya! I hope you get everything you want!
There, I have put that into existence!
“Friends who are also playmates to figure out how to go between the two roles without awkwardness or leaving me wondering “WTF” sometimes.”
When you get this one figured out, please let us know.
Roaring Lion said it best, but I still want to add a few thoughts of my own. I’m an optimist, always have been. But the difference between us is not as big as you’d think. When I am let down by people, family, or friends, I’m disappointed and hurt just the same as you are. But instead of using their actions to justify my feelings, I just say “well, maybe next time.” To me, it’s their problem and not mine, and I refuse to allow their actions to effect my outlook on life.
And as for guys always trying to help women? That’s been going on since the dawn of time I think. I did it for over 25 years with my late wife, and then my first GF after she died. It doesn’t work, but until a guy figures that out (like I did with the help of a couple wise friends and a book), he will continue to try and fix.
When I started looking for a new partner last time, I purposely looked for a woman who had her shit together, and now I’m in the healthiest relationship of my life.
Anyway, I wish you the best in getting what you want, just keep in mind that most of your wishes are outside of your control, and you need to realise that’s OK because you can’t change others. When you can do that, your glass might start looking a little fuller…
did you actually say them out loud, or just type them? 😉 C-Man
I am an optimist so I am thinking that you can speak things into existence.
Once someone told me that if you want something, expect it.. But, remember that you can only completely change yourself.. The changes in others will happen if they can understand your expectations and want to comply..
Here’s hoping that all do!! :):)
I consider myself an optimist, but many times PC will want to talk about a ‘what if’ and I can’t bring myself to it. I don’t *want* to let my mind go there until I know it’s going to actually happen. Otherwise it sets me up for unnecessary disappointment.
I love your father’s quote….
It’s good to say it out and do it, sometimes you’ll get disappointed but you’ll also get the high when you’re not. Life is short, enjoy it, don’t let the thought of being disappointed to stop you from what you want. You never know until you try, right? 😉