Family and the Holidays:The Rant

So apparently, I found out last night, the family Christmas plans do not include me or my family.  My brother called me last night while I was sitting in a bar waiting for a friend to arrive and told me this tidbit.  “Don’t take it personally”, he said as I tried to get him to understand what my next few weeks were like. I have a project that goes live on 1/1/2011.  So the next 11 days are hell. And with each explanation, he commented that it was no different from what everyone else is going through.  Pushing my comments aside as though I don’t matter.

Except I’m 3hrs away with a mountain pass between me and them.  They are all within 20 minutes with bad weather between them.

I can’t explain the hurt I felt. Clearly they viewed my reasons for struggling to find a time to visit as mere excuses.  Then to layer on top of it the fact that I’m just depriving the kids of this Christmas with their uncles and grandparents.  “You know, these are the real memories – its’ not about us” he said.  Like I said to him, he’s acting as though we all live 5 minutes away from each other – like it was when we were growing up when our aunts, uncles and cousins lived that close.  How fucking unfair is that.

But I’m the difficult one.  I truly don’t fucking care anymore.

Correction, I DO fucking care – it is why I’m not happy with it.

Layer on top of it the fact that they act as though I don’t understand how it is to be without the entire family for Christmas. I – the person who has been out here since 1995 – been out here with G and without family until 2007 when the family moved out here. Yeah, I don’t know how it is to be sans family for the holidays.

I’m starting to miss those stress free days.

So after hearing a lot about how I shouldn’t worry about it. After hearing a lecture from my little bro about how I’m the one taking things personally. I find his comment to this quote I posted on my Facebook status:

“Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.” ~ Dilbert

His comment: “What are you doing for Christmas? I’m feeling like that statue.”

Well fuck you, little brother.
Fuck you all.

I have lived out here for years without the support you all have.  I have had to make do with friend. With people who truly care about us and what we are going through. That understand that sometimes things don’t work out the way you hope they do.

‘Cause clearly I am the statue where they are concerned.

And I have better things to be.

Merry Fucking Christmas.

9 Comments Add yours

  1. brick says:

    it never fails to amaze me how many families are like this to one extent or other. at times in the past it seemed to me that MY family was the only one this fucked up and selfish and just plain rude and mean. i think that is because when looking at another family you only see the public representation of that family, you do not see the evilness that flows between the cracks that form in a dried-out mud puddle.

    there is a classical piece of advice that was handed down to me my my married lover’s mother when i was 19 and my mother moved away, married someone in another town, called and told me i had to go live somewhere else because there was no room for me in his home, and then sold EVERYTHING that was in our former family home, including the clothing in my dresser…..

    “let her be wrong” is what mrs. horn told me.

    it did not make immediate sense, but it has been how i have lived my life for these past 42 years. you cannot change them, so simply let them be wrong and get on with your life.

    it is so much easier that way. they ARE wrong, you know they are wrong, and even though they will never admit they are wrong, they too know they are wrong.

    fuck ’em, and have a good holiday with the ones who care about you.

  2. Joker_SATX says:

    I am sorry you are going through this and trust me…I feel your pain.

    I have a similar situation brewing here.

    so…hugs to you!

  3. Babe Lincoln says:

    The joys of family… hubby and I often talk about how fun the holidays would be if we could spend them with friends instead of the obligatory family visits. Ah well, hang in there sweetie… the holidays will soon be over!

  4. Hubman says:

    Well that just sucks!

    I’m sure you and G and the girls will have a wonderful Christmas, with or without your selfish family members.

  5. Maggie says:

    I’m so sorry- you’re right, that’s very hurtful. I sometimes wonder if families save up all the best dysfunction for the holidays.

  6. Your family just sucks. Would you like my mom to adopt you?

  7. I’m sorry. They suck, and they are being selfish.

    My own family-can-suck tidbit: Since my maternal grandparents died, and the children of my moms brother split into two camps – those speaking to my mom and I, and those not – the holidays are a lot smaller than what I was used to growing up. Despite the two cousins I have left having inlaws and their own mom, we always all found our way together. Except this year. Even tho my cousins’ mom passed this summer, somehow gathering isn’t as important to the one cousin. Her (asshole) husband’s family matters more, I guess. A-hole “accidentally” bought tickets to a big college football game the saturday after thanksgiving, expensive tickets, whole fam I guess, and they couldn’t make our dinner that we’ve all had on the saturday after t-day for the last 10 yrs. Oh yeah, oops, sure. At the last minute my cousin asked if we could all rearrange OUR schedules and have it on sunday instead.

    My response (but silently) was the same as yours. Fuck you, cousin.

    Xmas is going to be more of the same. I’m sure they’ll show up just to exchange gifts while one of her offspring sits there with a sour look on his face, the greedy little 11 yr old satan spawn that he is.

  8. Fusion says:

    Sorry to hear about your family. I’ve had simular issues with my kids since my wife died 4 years ago. My daughter is no longer talking to me at all, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
    I hold out hope that might change one day, but for now life goes on…
    Here’s wishing you, G and your girls a very merry christmas.

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