The other day, I felt like this:
I felt bad because it came tumbling down on me – all after a message from a friend. A friend who was being flirty and dirty and himself. I felt bad posting what I did yesterday because I knew he would feel bad. But, there are times when I realize that I can’t keep pretending. So, I let it out. It needed to be said out loud. I needed to say it out loud.
While it may seem odd that I am pretending, it is my way. I don’t want to be that black cloud that blocks the sun for people I care about. I don’t want to be that person. So I bury it. But the problem is the fact that it’s like a beach ball you are trying to keep below the surface of the water. If it slips your grasp, it comes shooting to the surface. You can’t control how fast or where exactly it will pop out. I find that is what happens sometimes.
Thank you. Thank you for understanding when it comes flying out.
And TL – thanks for being there for me. I know I told you this yesterday, but I do appreciate it, my sexy friend.
Work is best described by this image. The executive has decided a different software package will fix the issue. I am pretty amused by this. Why? Because I knew this was going to happen. We were actually making progress, so the executive found a minor thing that resulted in him wanting to change direction. I’m not sure why to be honest. Software is all about trade offs. And he keeps changing the rules and the reasons. It’s like he is plotting a greater take over, yet he isn’t making a land grab or something.
Meanwhile, I am trying to coach my manager through it. He freaks out at the cost, and I have to point out that the cost is not really that great. So while he struggles, I’m propping him up – and also pointing out that they are giving the executive too much power. HIs changes affect a broader set of executives. It’s time we bring them in to help make this discussion. We’ll see how this continues. I really, truly, don’t care anymore. I’ll get the work done – they just need to make a fucking decision.
I exchanged some messages with this week with a former playmate – the one I need to forgive so she can move on. It was all good. I realize how much I miss her humor. After a back and forth in text, she send me one that said “I’ve missed you”. I have to admit that I have missed the friendship as well – so I told her. It’s funny how things are evolving. I like seeing how she has evolved. I like seeing how she is a more whole person. She has something to drop off this weekend. She mentioned how she wants us to meet her husband – a new development – but a good sign. I guess we’ll see how it goes.
I’m hoping this weekend will give me some time to get rid of this damn cold I have. It was kicking my ass yesterday. I swear I could have slept all day. Hopefully I’ll get some sleep.