“It’s his loss!!”
A friend and I were going back and forth about sex the other day – and this was his response when I had mentioned that my husband and I hadn’t done something in a while….
“It’s his loss.”
Sadly, it is also my loss.
It’s one of those statement that reminds me of how sex has changed between my husband and me. How sex between us are still in flux as we try to find the new normal.
How trying to find the new normal has not been as easy as we had hoped. How there still feels like too much, sometimes, we are trying to figure out – and we both wonder when it will stop feeling like it feels.
And unlike before, when I could find something I craved from a playmate – something I crave that my husband and I don’t do together in bed, I don’t really have that option right now.
And I’m not sure if and when I will have that option again.
These are the times when the whole herpes things sucks. The contrast between how sex was versus how sex is right now makes me truly sad. The change, that has been thrust upon us, rears its head at unexpected times. And while he knows a bit more of what his new normal is, I feel, at times, mine is limbo. Caught between his new normal and the old normal, trying to find what my new normal is.
I would never blame G as there is nothing to blame. It simply is what it is. Knowing what we know, I’m not sure what we would have done differently as different would have had different results, results we would not trade. Friends I’d rather not trade away.
But now, things like that – that are his loss – now translates directly into my loss.
And that takes some getting used to….
….that feeling of loss…..