Loss

“It’s his loss!!”
A friend and I were going back and forth about sex the other day – and this was his response when I had mentioned that my husband and I hadn’t done something in a while….
“It’s his loss.”
Sadly, it is also my loss.  
It’s one of those statement that reminds me of how sex has changed between my husband and me.  How sex between us are still in flux as we try to find the new normal. 
How trying to find the new normal has not been as easy as we had hoped. How there still feels like too much, sometimes, we are trying to figure out – and we both wonder when it will stop feeling like it feels.
And unlike before, when I could find something I craved from a playmate – something I crave that my husband and I don’t do together in bed, I don’t really have that option right now. 
And I’m not sure if and when I will have that option again.
These are the times when the whole herpes things sucks. The contrast between how sex was versus how sex is right now makes me truly sad.  The change, that has been thrust upon us, rears its head at unexpected times. And while he knows a bit more of what his new normal is, I feel, at times, mine is limbo. Caught between his new normal and the old normal, trying to find what my new normal is.
I would never blame G as there is nothing to blame. It simply is what it is. Knowing what we know, I’m not sure what we would have done differently as different would have had different results, results we would not trade. Friends I’d rather not trade away.
But now, things like that – that are his loss –  now translates directly into my loss.
And that takes some getting used to….
….that feeling of loss…..

9 Comments Add yours

  1. Babe Lincoln says:

    I feel for your situation Emmy…. it takes time to establish that new “normal,” but trust that you’ll get there.

  2. You will find your way as long as you keep looking. Sorry about Herpes. I am assuming your hubby has it, but I am assuming because I only recently started following you and do not know the history of it all. But you are brave and refreshing and Im sure there are lots of people with herpes on here that only wish they could be so honest.

  3. Lili says:

    “New normal” is never easy to get used to. But it does happen eventually. I can only pass along the advice I received during my transition period(s): be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to feel what you need to so you can move on. I have faith that you’ll get there.

  4. Vixen says:

    I also feel for your situation…. *hugs*

  5. Joker_SATX says:

    What the hell can I say that hasn’t already been said here…….

    I try to put myself in other’s shoe so that I could better understand the situation and to try to come close to what you may be feeling….

    If it were me, I think I would go exploring all of the other aspects of the relationship that I had put aside during the “Old Normal”. I think it would actually strengthen my bond with my mate.

    Just a suggestion….but I do feel for you both and even though I know it will all work out, still you have to go through the rough spots….

    Hugs to you both!

  6. Osbasso says:

    New normals are a bugger to define and refine. I’m in the midst of mine, too, and it’s almost been a year…

  7. Sa says:

    Hugs to you. If it means anything to you, you have been handling this incredibly graciously on your blog, and I admire your resilience.

    (And Osbasso, nice use of the word “bugger”. I thought it was a British word only!)

  8. I was hoping that the two of you had worked out your new normal. However, even though you are in a flux, if anyone can come through this it is you two.

    Hugs.

  9. Maggie says:

    Any transition is uncomfortable but you’re handling it with as much grace as anyone could expect. Take your time and take care of yourselves. Change happens in every relationship, it’s just that this time an outside force has had a hand in it and I’m sure that makes it more annoying.

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