The woman who sits next to me in my cube used that word to describe me yesterday.
I corrected her and said I’m more done fighting.
I feel that I have been fighting too many battles. And today, I subconsciously, I guess, chose to stop fighting so many.
Today, the fight was with an executive who was returning from vacation after about 7 days out of the office. I knew he would flip out. Why? Because he did the pissy executive thing – he heard a number and nothing else and decided that was all. They said $30K. They did a deep dive into our requirements and decided the team’s uncertainty meant it was more like $150K. The more questions they asked, the more it went up.
Who had two thumbs and had to deliver this bad news?
Yep – me.
I knew he would be pissed. I knew he would somehow hold me accountable for his own incompetence. I knew I would have to defend someone else’s number. Happy Monday!
I also know they are looking to limit hiring in 2011. I’m running that project too. Do I think there is a job at the end? Probably not. So now my goal is to make sure that my legacy when I leave isn’t a pile of shit. Because I know how it works, the contractors and the people who leave get blamed for those piles of shit applications even if they had nothing to do with the BUSINESS requirements that led to them. My objections won’t be remembered, but my name will be.
The meeting went better than expected. I was pleasantly surprised. But, he did what I expected – tried to use this as the reason to throw the baby out with the bath water. He found a different software that would give him everything….get this, out of the box. No customization needed. If you are in IT like I am, you are now rolling your eyes and cursing the sales person who he talked to. That fucker. It NEVER works that way. Two months into the project with this magical software, and he’ll hate them just as he does this one. Yeah, I’ve read this book. But I digress.
But that was kind of the latest thing. Over the weekend, I fought another battle. If the house is destroyed, I get stressed, then I get pissed. I gave G two forewarnings that I was on the verge of exploding. (Go ahead, envision She-Hulk because that is how I feel when I’m angry.) Sure enough – Sunday morning after no efforts were being made to fix it, I flipped. And did I flip good. The girls decided it was best to hide out in their room after I started making them remedy the issue. After letting G know exactly how I was feeling about his lack of help lately, I just started dealing with it myself.
Later G apologized. I had given him warning we were approaching the red zone, yet he did nothing. He decided for one of the first times in our relationship that he was totally deserving of the rage he received. Like I told him, I’m good at being the bitch, but it doesn’t me I enjoy it.
Friday ended with me arguing with my boss about the project. He was careful to say he didn’t blame for the lack of progress, then went on to ask me why I wasn’t doing all fo this stuff. So I bluntly told him. There is open disrespect for documentation, schedule, scope, and timeline. Why waste my time and his by doing sometime so despised – especially when there is no accountability. He sat back in his chair and didn’t know what to say. “Welcome to this project” was my response.
Earlier in the day, I fought with the PM for the consulting company.
Then I fought with a woman on the project who started questioning my approach.
In parenting, it is often advised to “pick your battles” to make sure you aren’t getting nitpicky. I’m usually good at it. But this time, I’m finding that sadly all of these battles are worth fighting.
I’m just kind of done.
I, instead, am choosing another cliche. They have made their bed. I’m letting them lie in it.