Little things, to me, are like a small pebble in the shoe. You feel it, but you can keep it from getting underfoot most of the time as you walk. But that constant nagging reminder at one point becomes too much though, and you finally have to sit down, take the shoe off, and get rid of it before it drives you crazy. Until you decided to do that, however, that pebble can start coloring the way you see things happening. You might miss the beautiful view on a hike because of that annoyance you get with each step.
I feel like I have one of those in my shoe right now.
I feel like someone told me a minor fib. Yeah, I know – fibs or lies – they are the same thing. “Not the truth” is still “not the truth”. But, I think in this case it started out as a possibility which was a convenient excuse. A remote possibility used as a reason. At the time, it sounded odd, but I decided it wasn’t a big deal. I don’t know the true circumstances, so I accepted it as a truth. I had no reason not to. I trust the person. Plus, in the grand scheme of picking my battles, I decided this was not worth worrying over.
The excuse stared morphing, however. And I noticed it – not because I’m vindictive or keep score, but because I have way too good of a memory. When the new reason (or the changed one) came up, I noticed but shrugged it off. I know how things can change.
But, that pebble was still rattling around in my shoe as I was doing other things.
Other conversations made me wonder if I was really getting the truth. I suspect that some of it is related to how things have changed for me. I get it. I don’t like it, but it is what it is. I can’t change it or do anything about it except find a way to accept it.
But that pebble, it still is rattling around. I feel I need to get it out of my shoe, but no matter how much I shake it, it doesn’t seem to want to leave.
I guess it is because I need some honesty. I also need to be honest, too. Stop accepting what is being said and ask for the truth – even if it hurts to hear it. At least I know where I truly stand. I want actions to match words. Intentions to match actuality.
Because when someone you care about says a little thing, it can start feeling like something bigger. Like that pebble is actually a sharp rock – and it starts feeling that way the more you walk on it – the more you try to avoid it until you can shake it out of your show. And those bigger things can result in it turning into a question about your worth to them. A question about the relationship. A question about perception versus reality. An old mentor of mine used to say that smart people try to figure out what is going on despite themselves. They try to connect dots they have. Why? Because they are smart – they are good at solving equations with many variable. But, the result may or may not be what is the real answer – or what was really meant by the other person.
But until you have more answers, you will never know…and it remains that rock in your shoe.