I am trying so fucking hard to remember that right now. That I am seeing people and their actions, not as they are intending them, but as I am feeling. 

I am not okay. I put on a good show. I know how to divert attention from what is bugging me to what is going on with others. I am a master.

But, I am also a master at seeing through that shit in others. I am a master at saying “cut the crap” and making them tell me the truth. I always know what is really behind the words.

And that’s what I expect and hope for with others.  It’s what I want.

And when I don’t get what I want. I assume it is because I’m not worth it. I am not as important to them as they claim.

I know in my head that it is not true.

Now someone tell that to my heart.

‘Cause it hurts – and I hurt – and it’s not listening right now. It wants proof everything it’s feeling isn’t true – and it has none.

I just don’t want “I’m sorry, but”.
I just don’t want to accept that timing is just wrong – or life is getting in the way.

I just don’t want to accept that I’m strong, so I’ll get through it without anyone.

Because, right now, I really don’t buy it. I’m in my head – and I know I need to get out of it.

I don’t feel I can chase this cloud away by myself.

What do you think?

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